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28/06/99 - 29/01/12
Human family: Sally
Photo(s) of Ellie (4)
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Ellie
My beloved Ellie cat left my life and hers here in Sussex England on Sunday 29th January 2012, aged 12 ½. It wasn’t expected but I had the honour, courage and pride to be with her every step of the way and I can only thank her for that.
You see, she taught me so much about emotional intelligence, about grace, about acceptance, about unconditional love and about trust. The level of communication I had with her was a whole new experience and all without words. Every little facial expression, nuance of body language, the little signals, the nudges and habits weaved their way over the years to create a two way communication that was highly intuitive, intelligent and well, just a joy. We shared a love of silence, of comfort, of basking in the warmth of the sunshine and the breeze through an open window, we loved to feel that all was well with the world and share in those moments.
Ellie, you were a great companion, you showed me such a lot about being in the moment, of embracing pleasure and joy and love and you mirrored in me that strength & independence can go alongside dependence, the need for a friend and love. This interchange between us played out so much when you were in need, when you got lost under the floorboards, when you first got sick, when you recovered, when you needed me to step back and when you needed me to step back in. Eventually we both found ourselves at the same place with nothing more we could do. This dance of friendship was to end. You knew. I knew. The respect I have for you as a personality and spirit was never stronger when I noticed this, you were walking around the house for the last time, visiting every single place you had ever been, rubbing your chin, leaving your mark and re-living all the little things you had done, even years ago. You were preparing to leave.
You were thorough in your living, you were thorough when you chose to make friends or shun them and you were clear & insightful, even if others were determined to impose on you. I had to have respect for you and that was returned in full measure and I felt the trust, bond and protection you gave me and shared with Mark. You were sometimes very afraid of the harshness of the physical world, the bangs and crashes, the heavy footed humans and the re-arrangement of furniture that you liked “just so”.
I truly loved you, your spirit, your velvety ears, the graceful way you cleaned, your amazing tail full of character and poise, your beautiful nose and your ever kittenish ways, despite your wisdom. The way you seemed so grateful for everything and when you were sick, you tolerated, you were intuitive about what to do and what you needed me to do. So glad that I listened, so glad that I learnt and so glad that I held you in the end and we sat in peace and stillness and you left this earthly plain from this place with me. I never could have done that before I met you and will forever remember the day that I found you, un-expectedly and how you made your way into my life and into my heart.
I am so grateful for having YOU as MY cat and mostly philosophical about you not being here anymore. I do still get angry all over again, or want to go and look for you because I need reminding of your nose or your ears and surely you must be “somewhere”. After that all settles, I am sad, deeply sad and I realise that’s OK, that too will pass. This poem expresses those moments, when I honour you the most; for you touched my heart in ways that mean I can touch my own and others too, and well, that is the true gift you gave me.
Your respectful “owner” Sally
They say memories are golden, well, maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories, I only wanted you. A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place no one else could fill.
If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane.
I'd walk the path to Heaven and bring you back again.
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