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On Friday I had to put to sleep my lovely baby boy. Nico was a 12 year old cocker mixed breed. He starete suffering from a bad tummy about a month ago. Took to the vet and gave him antibiotics and so on. He got a bit better but then suddenly the bad tummy turned int vomiting an excessive drinking. Long story short he was diagnosed with kidney failure on Thursday. No cure is available for such disease except for kidney transplant, which was really not an Option. The vet said we could have prolonged his life by a few days or weeks by giving him IV and treatment at the vets office. I know how much my dog hates the vet so I decided against it. He deteriorated even more although the vet gave him painkillers and meds to increase appetite but he stopped eating and drinking so we took him to the vets on Friday for his final journey. My husband was with him when the vet did the injection while me and my 10 year old son waited outside after saying goodbye. We saw him afterwards and that image will never leave my brain. He was gone yet his eyes were open and I don't understand why. Did he suffer? My husband said he saw the light leave his eyes... I'm so heartbroken I do t know how to cope. I have another dog, my lovely baby girl Lana but I'm worried about her as she arrived after nico and they were good friends. How did you people cope with this I think I'm going crazy I miss him so much

Hello Jasmine
Firstly, I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Nico. I can really feel your pain and immense sadness as I read your words. He was very loved and had a wonderful life with you and your family.
You are definitely not going crazy! It is very early days, and you have just started the grieving process. Be gentle with yourself and take it day by day. I was in a very similar situation as you; my wonderful beloved cat Big Fella was suffering from kidney disease, and like you I made the decision to have him put to sleep as he was so poorly.
I remember, like Nico, his eyes remained open after the injection was administered. The vet said this is perfectly normal.
I was completely and utterly heartbroken and didn't know what to do with myself. I took time of work as I just couldn't focus and cried constantly. At the time I thought I would never get over my loss...
I bought a pet bereavement book, but what really helped me was using The Blue Cross charity's pet bereavement counselling service. It is free, and you can either choose to have it over the phone, or like me, via email. Please visit their website for details.
I know it is a real struggle coming to terms with the loss of a pet, but I promise in time you will start to feel better. Once this happens, maybe you could make a small memorial to Nico in the garden, or in the home?
Stay in touch on here
Love and hugs
Michelle xx

Michelle this was very good advice. I lost my Katie Girl on January 20th 2016.She had osteosarcoma and went thru amputation of her leg, chemo, visits to the oncologist blood work. She was so strong and brave but i was had a terrible time trying to face life without her. I pulled myself together and tried to make what time we had left together as good as it could be. the day she passed was the worst day of my life. The vet came to our home but she was leaving before he got through the door. He did give her a mild sedative. i laid on the floor with her in my arms until she took her last breath. I to looked into her face after she was proclaimed gone. The first few days i cried all the time. Then the anger hit me. I was just angry ar everyone and everything. I became very anxious and depressed and talked to my family doctor. He said a lot of people don't understand the bond that some have with their pets.I felt relieved that someone beside the people here on The Ralph Site understood how I was feeling. He suggested that I get some grief counseling which I am still doing. It does help but nothing takes all the pain away. I did get a new German Shepherd puppy and she is helping me very much. Just to have that warm body lying next to me and her wet kisses on my cheek. She is not Katie nor do I want her to be. She deserves to be herself. Michelle also gave great advice about the memorial. When spring came after Katie dies we made a Memory garden for Katie. I filled with flowers that attracted butterflies and Humming birds. We have a bench in there where I love to sit and look up at the sky and chat with her. It gives me some peace to be there. I will love her forever but I do believe that we will be reunited with all our fur children when our time here is done. When the anniversary of Katies came this year I made a donation to Greylong with the money going to research on osteosarcoma and other canine cancers. Things like this help with the grief process. Jasmine,Keep Nico in your heart. I feel Katies presence at times and I cherish these moments. It might be a soft breeze, or a chime ringing when there is no wind. I don't wait for them I just allow this to happen when they do. Please take care of yourself. YOU are not crazy. I remember feeling that way also I realized it was the stress and pain I was going through. It is a very lonely road. Remember. There is always someone on the Rap[lh site to chat with. Wonderful people who now became friends. They will be a big help during this time.WIth much love, Barbara

Thank you Michelle and thank you Barbara. I will folllow your advice and contact blue cross. Today it really hit me as it's the first day routines have actually changed. I used to walk my son to school with nico every morning then come back home and walk my other baby girl. Today I simply went for a walk with Lana. But it was when I got home that tears started falling. Thank you again for your words. They truly helped. One day when I feel it's the right moment I'll make a memorial for him on this site.