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I had to put my dog to sleep on December 16, 2015. My Bella was 15 years old, the last of seven over the years. I didn't know she was sick until she started trembling all the time. I took her to the vet and told me there was nothing wrong in the meantime she was showing more signs of illness such as vomiting, not eating, sleeping a lot, not greeting me when I came home , until the 3rd visit he told she has a tumor which finally explained it. It was the day before I put her to sleep. I feel guilty because I think I rushed it even though it was clear she was sick , but I think what if she would have been feeling better tomorrow?
Oh my gosh , I miss her , she was my buddy my best friend , we went everywhere together and now there is nothing . I do not have my own family I live by myself and she is all I had. If I could have gone with her I would have. I cannot forget holding her little face in my hands to tell her it's ok and I love her so much , for a second I wanted to stop it but it was too late, and I wish so much that I would have. I am dying inside and feel so bad.

Dear Lisa,

It sounds to me as if you eased your beloved dogs suffering. That is the greatest service one soul can do for another. If your Bella could speak to you, I'm sure she would thank you. It is very unlikely that she would have started to feel better. The sickness you are describing does not sound like the sort one recovers from.

It is unfortunate that your vet did not help you to understand Bella's illness better and from what you say it sounds like things were a bit rushed. You are no doubt still in shock and it will take some time for those strong feelings to settle. Please reassure yourself that you did the absolute best you could for Bella. It's obvious how much you love her- I say love rather than loved because the love is the one thing that does not die. It connects you always.

I wish I could tell you that the pain goes away in time. It doesn't, but it does get easier. At first it's like having a raw wound and that bleeds every time it gets bumped. In time, the rawness does heal and one becomes accustomed to living with a dog-shaped hole inside the heart.

The one thing that got me through my own loss was not allowing the horror of the death to overshadow the many years of joyful memories. Hang on to yours. They are Bella's legacy to you.

My heart goes out to you, Lisa. I'll be keeping you in my heart and mind over the coming weeks.
With a very large hug from my heart to yours,
Hannah

Hi Hannah - Bella went through this off and on for about 3 weeks. But she had good days and bad days. Her bad days I just chalked up to being old. The good days she was like a little puppy, running around excited to go for a ride to the store etc. After the vet telling me that there was nothing wrong with her I took her back a second time, same thing and the the dreaded 3rd time. He said she will have good days and bad days take her home and see how it goes. When I took her home and she did not eat on day four, I couldn't let her suffer. I made the appt. for the end of the day hoping to spend a day with her but she couldn't wait that long. She kept wanting outside and she would walk around in the yard going places she never went looking for a final resting place, at that point I had to call and move up the appt to an earlier time and so I did.
On the way there I told her I am going to stop at McDonald's and get her a cheeseburger and if she snubs her nose at it , I will know , and so she did. I tore off a little piece and she turned her head.
We arrived and we were put into a room where I held her like a little baby and she slept off and on for about 45 min. and didn't want to let her go, but at some point I had to say when. She was coherent when I said when.
Thank You for taking the time to respond to me although I cried when I read your response , but so glad that you cared enough to respond.
Today is a better day hoping for another tomorrow.

Dear Lisa, I understand and feel your pain; I had to have my gorgeous cat Toffee put to sleep four years ago; I know what you are going through and I send you love and hugs. Toffee was diagnosed with cancer and we had her home for a few weeks ; she was really good and enjoying life but then started to deteriorate. We love our precious pets so much and they love us and they are s0 dependent on us/ Your sweet Bella had a wonderful life with you and in time you will remember the good times. Just a few months ago we adopted a little stray cat who we have called April. I believe Toffee sent her along when we felt ready ; someone for us to love and care for. Bella is always near you; she and you shared such a closeness that she will always be around; take care Lisa; always here for you XXXXX Penny xx

Hi Penny - So sorry for you and Toffee. It gets harder the older I get. I cannot put myself through this again. I know it sounds crazy but I see her everywhere. I see her walking towards me , laying in bed with me in the back seat of my car? I don't know what its going to take to get past this? I just feel awful.
I am sure your toffee had a wonderful life also and is missed very much. Thank you so much for your thoughts and I am so glad I came on here to talk to people that are going or have gone through this like me. I do believe that Bella is still there with me and just pray that she understands what I had to do, I will never know.
Thanks Penny - Hugs and hope your new kitty is happy.

Hi Lisa, Bella would understand, I know that. I am so glad you came on here to talk to us; I did the same after Toffee died and the love and understanding I received from people on the Ralph Site helped me understand my feelings. In fact I made some wonderful friends; we all were grieving and comforted and gave each other the strength to get through each day. Take a day at a time Lisa; the love you shared will always be with you; Toffee is buried under the garden seat where she loved to sit and I never miss a night of looking out and saying I love her and night night. She will always be with me and Bella will always be with you as well . Lots of love and Hugs XXXXXX Penny xx

Penny - I sure hope she understands, I need to know that . I light a candle for her and Duke who I lost three years prior, I had them both cremated and sit on my table in my living room along with a picture. I do the same good morning and goodnight . I feel bad if I try to move forward though . I find it hard to look at pictures of both of them, because it hurts to see them. I really do feel better from talking to all of you here. I am now starting to eat a little more than I was and try to think that I did the right thing. Animal people are the best!

Hi Lisa, So glad you are feeling better talking to us; we do understand; I have pictures of Toffee all around and I think as time goes by you will find great comfort in your pictures; touch them, talk to them and say all the things you are feeling; you did do the right thing; it is the one thing we can do for our precious animals is to give them relief from their pain and give them peace and rest. Take care; Hugs XXXX Penny