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Hi I'm new to the forum, since the loss of my beautiful staffy girl 10 weeks 4 days ago, I've found myself trawling pet loss forums, pet bereavement sites reading anything I can find, why? maybe I'm trying to make sense of what happened, looking for answers that I'm probably never going to get. My precious baby went to Rainbow Bridge 3rd September 2014, a day I will never ever forget, I won't go into the finer details, I can't it is still so raw & to be honest I'm still in shock, I still cannot believe this has happened, everything was fine then within 2 hours life as I knew it was no more, so many unanswered questions WHY? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHY MY BABY? HOW DIDN'T WE KNOW SOMETHING WAS WRONG? I'm struggling so so much to come to terms with what happened, how do I go through life without her? how do you fill the void & emptiness? She wasn't just my pet, my dog, my companion, she was my life, my heart, my soul, she was the air that I breathed, I loved her with every fibre of my being, I'm so lost without her, the house isn't the same well nothing is the same & it never will be. I was so not prepared for feeling this depth of utter despair, you know as your pets get older they aren't going to be here forever, nothing lives forever, but a small part of your brain does think they are always going to be there, is it any easier if your pet has been ill for a while probably not but sudden unexpected loss just out of the blue is just..... well no mere words can describe it. I spend my days crying that's all I do, every morning when I wake up, that's if I've managed to sleep as sleep isn't coming easy these days my thoughts are consumed of my gorgeous baby, every morning I think another day, another day to get through without her, another day of pain & heartache, its just endless, my heart is literally broken, never to be mended, I will never get over losing her NEVER!!!!!!!! I can't say her name, I just can't, I haven't been able to since it happened, I struggle to look at photos, how gorgeous she was & that beautiful face, I'm filled with gut wrenching despair that I will never see that face again. I miss her so so much!!!! life just seems meaningless.

Hello Staffygirl. I am so sorry for your loss. I can echo your words as six weeks ago tomorrow my precious healthy cat died under anesthetic during a routine dental. I left him at the vets at 9.30am and got a telephone call at 11.35am to say he had passed away. Like yourself I'm asking what happened, why my baby but no answers. I read site after site not understanding why because nothing can change what has happened. My life stopped with that phone call. I think because we have had to deal with sudden, unexpected loss we are suffering from shock. If our pets had been ill we would at least have had time to say goodbye. You might find it helpful to contact the Blue Cross a Pet Beteavement Service. I would have been unable to speak to anyone on the phone so used their email service. This day six weeks ago life was great, now I wake up each morning wondering how to get through each day. The pain is unbearable. Nothing matters any more. I'm sorry Staffygirl that I can't offer you any comfort or answers. We are both hurting in similar ways for similar reasons. The thing that I am holding onto is the hope that time will dull the pain although just now that doesn't seem possible. Please know that I am thinking of you.

Hi Staffygirl I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel having a fur baby go to Rainbow Bridge suddenly. It takes your breath away so badly it feels impossible to breathe. Every fibre of your being suddenly becomes filled with excruciating pain. Your brain is going round at the speed of light with too many if, buts and maybe's... unfortunately nobody can say anything that can suddenly magic the pain away, we wish we could. All I can say is time really does teach you how to cope with the pain. The way I started to cope with the loss of my baby boy was to plunge myself into trying to help every animal cruelty charity I could find. I know it doesn't bring my baby back but I try and take solace he is up at Rainbow Bridge looking down proud of his mummy. I rang the Blue Cross pet bereavement and they were lovely also my GP put me on anti depressants. There is no time limit to grieve. I cried every day for 4 months solid. I still do. Huge hugs to you.

Julie xxxxx

Hello Staffygirl, i send you my love and hugs, as I know the sadness you are feeling. It is hard losing a pet under any circumstances, but I can understand that the sudden death of your precious dog must be devastating. The questions of why are so hard to understand if there are no answers, and i feel your pain. Try and get as much help as you can from Pet Bereavement Services as Hazel suggested. I lost my precious cat nearly 3 years ago to cancer and I still grieve her loss; she too was my life, my everything. I have found a lot of support on the Ralph Site and have made some very good friends with whom i share my feelings and grief. I am here for you if there is any way in which I can help you; unortunately i cannot take away your pain, just be here for you to talk and share your sadness. Take care of yourself. Bless you xx

Hi I am so sorry for your loss. All the words, feelings and emotions you are feeling are exactly how I feel about losing my boy, he was a German Shepherd and had gradually got ill and I can tell you it doesn't make it easier even if you know the end is in sight. It is still early days for you, you only lost her recently. There is no timescale on how long you will feel like you do. I still cry and think my life is empty without him and it will be a year on new years eve. But don't think she's not with you, she will always be with you, wherever you go. I felt exactly the same about Jake, he was my whole life, I never loved anyone like I loved him and we had such a strong bond. I've gone through all the thoughts of my life not being worth carrying on without him. Coping with his death has been the hardest thing I've had to do and I'm still dealing with it.
Strangely enough, one thing that did ease a bit of the pain I feel was seeing a TV programme about the Vietnam dog meat trade. Personally I couldn't watch it but heard from friends enough to break my heart. And I thought to myself, at least Jake never knew the pain, terror and cruelty that those poor dogs go through every day. He had a good life and knew I loved him. He had a comfy bed (mine!) plenty of food, walks and cuddles. As I'm sure you did with your girl. In the end this is all we can do, our best for our best friend. I understand you are broken over her loss but you gave her what so many other staffys never get, a loving owner, loving home, favourite food, and plenty of cuddles. And I bet she slept on your bed too. I never thought I would be giving advice to someone who has lost a pet, as I'm still not over Jake, but as pet lovers, we inevitably have to deal with losing them as sadly they just don't live long enough.
I remember a couple of years ago talking to a young man who had just lost his staffy and he stood there sobbing saying exactly what you, I and anybody else who has lost a beloved pet says. "He/she was my whole life, how do I go on?" The only way is to cry whenever you feel like it, remember all the good times, and be proud that you gave him/her the best life you could, that is all you can do. However the end comes, be it out of the blue, or slow and gradual, the pain of it is the same. So many others only know cruelty and pain and your little staffy was one of the very lucky ones.

Lots of love
Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi thank you all so much for your heartfelt replies & words of comfort., thank you for taking the time to read my post, its comforting to know I'm amongst like minded people, & I'm not going mad as that's how I feel at times, the emotions that come over me I feel like my head is going to explode. I am so sorry to you all who have also lost a beloved pet, it is so hard to come to terms with this life changing trauma, that's how I see it, a trauma. Readjusting to a different life & it is a different life..... so different. Facing each day without her is unbearable, I want to crawl in a hole go to sleep & not wake up, I so want to be with my baby, BUT I still have my handsome staffy boy Vito, him & my sweet girl were cousins & because of him I make myself get up of a morning trying so hard to regain some normality & routine for him so I suppose I am managing & coping in a muddling along way. Thankfully Vito has been fine not showing any adverse reaction to what has happened as in not eating or moping around, the only thing different is whenever we are out in the car & I get out or my husband gets out to pop into a shop or whatever he cries terribly, which he has never done before, it upsets me to hear him cry like this, I only wish I knew what he was thinking but that's something I will never know...... I miss her so so much, I miss everything, I miss her not being here just her presence, I miss the feel of her next to me on our bed, I miss kissing her, smelling her, looking at her, that beautiful face, I think back to that day the WORST day of my entire life trying to imprint her face & smell in my mind, knowing that never again will I see her.
I'm so dreading Christmas, how do I put her stocking up when she is not here, how do I do that, I can't simple as. So I'll muddle & struggle through another day, the thought of the months & years ahead without her is just something I can't even start to comprehend this pain just never ends..............
Thank you all again for your kind words...x

I know how you feel. I think things exactly like that, Missing my dogs smell, looking at his beautiful face, and kissing him. But don't think you will never see her again. She is with you all the time and will be waiting at Rainbow Bridge for you. At the moment she is running with other little Staffies and all the other dogs. She won't be in pain or suffering. But love never dies. And she knew you loved her. I feel the same about christmas, this will be the first one without my big fella and new years eve will be the anniversary of his death. But, there's nothing to stop you putting up a little stocking for her. It may help you get through it. And in time Vito will probably enjoy eating it! when you're ready that is.
It's strange you mentioning your other dog and having to get up each day and carry on for his sake. I also have another dog who if it hadn't been for him I would have just given up.
As for Vito crying when your husband gets out of the car, it could be he's scared of losing another member of his 'pack' and when your husband gets out the car he thinks he needs to keep the 3 of you together as one of his pack, your little staffy is not there, and doesn't want your husband to not come back. I don't know really. But dogs think of each member of the family as a member of their 'pack.' It's an upheaval for him too.
I understand the pain you are feeling, it's physical. Like somebody's punched you in the stomach. I got put on anti-depressants which helped a bit. But there's no avoiding grief, you can't go round it, over it or delay it. You just have to go through it. And when you are going through hell, keep going. You will come out the other side. That's not to say you will ever be over her, I don't think I will ever get over my boy passing away but you will one day look back and smile at some of the antics she got up to! And what a happy little life she had.
Lots of love
Michelle
P.S Christmas is just another day. Christmas or any day of the year will hurt. Just get up on Christmas morning and say a happy christmas to her and take Vito for a long walk. And cry and cry until you have no tears left. Then enjoy giving Vito his stocking. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx