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Please could anyone help me? I lost my baby boy, 'Deniro' on 20th July last year and it still hurts as much today as it did then. Everyone said to me it gets easier with time, but it hasn't yet. Is that normal? I miss him so much and think about him all the time. I haven't been able to listen to music since it happened as every song, i can link the words to mean a feeling or thought of him. Every time i have to sign a card/letter, i cry because i always used to put his name on too, i can't bear hearing anone talk about their pet as i get very jealous and upset. There are so many things that i couldn't list them here, but i miss him so much it takes my breath away sometimes. People weren't that great with me even just after it happened, and no one mentions him at all now. It's like he never existed, but since he's gone, i don't feel whole. Even other people with cats (who i thought would understand a bit more), don't seem to get it. His last day was horrific for him and i can't stop going over it in my mind, how scared he must have been and how confused that i wasn't there with him until the end. I was going to post this on f/b group, but wasn't sure i was allowed, so hope some of you will answer on here. I know there are grief counsellors etc, but part of me doesn't WANT to work through it. I don't want to stop thinking about him all the time or move on with my life. I just want him back with me and i can't ever have that.

HI Carol
It is normal, we are all different. My Mum lost her Cat to cancer 4 years ago and it is still very raw for her and she still can't even look at photos. We all understand how you are feeling, I had to have my Cat Dylan of 12 years put to sleep on Saturday as he had a mouth tumour which was in operable he became very poorly. Still in shock at the moment. I understand the music thing. Its very very hard but Deniro was loved and he knew it and we have to remember that these loved fury friends are so lucky as many animals are unloved and not treated so well, I know that does not help. Try to remember him well, I am trying but its hard. I am looking to have Dylans portrait drawn so I can have him back in the living room. Thinking of you. Nat xx

From Facebook page:

"Carol.Ann... it is devastating to lose your pet. I think all of us on here are at different stages of grief for our beloved pets. Time is what you need. It's OK to cry and feel upset... dealing with it will not make you forget, just make the memories sweet instead of sad. Take care..hugs to you xx" (Denise)

Carol-Ann, grief takes us all in different ways so what is normal for one, is not for another. Having said that, I had to let my precious baby Minnie pass to Rainbow Bridge last August and just typing the words now, I feel myself starting to 'well up'. I can easily cry for her every day and the pain of losing her is very real. I too can remember her last days and how uncomfortable and scary they were for her, it was over August bank holiday last year and we couldn't get anyone to come and see her and I will live with the guilt that she had to suffer an extra day for the rest of my life. However, over the months, I have learnt to push away the bad thoughts and remember the good things, like you will too. You might find it helpful to have as many pictures of Deniro around you and your home as possible. We had a favourite picture of Mins blown up and put onto canvas and she sits on the wall, pride of place next to my chair and I can talk to her and look at her whenever I want. While I know it's not for everyone, we found a great healer was to welcome 2 new furry babies into our home, they have filled my empty heart but haven't stolen Mins' place as there is room for all of them. Remember it's ok to cry, it's ok to remember him and talk about him as much as you want, it's ok to always love him but each day, try to push any bad thoughts away for a few minutes each time and replace them with happy times, the pain will ease and you will be able to move forward with Deniro always in your heart. Take care xx

Oh Carol-Ann, so sorry to hear about Deniro; I do think the person who commented on the Facebook page has put it wonderfully... "dealing with it will not make you forget, just make the memories sweet instead of sad" You won't be not thinking of him by working through this, you'll be remembering those little things which made him so special, and such an important part of your life. Sending positive thoughts xx

I can understand how you feel Carol-Ann I am finding life a struggle after losing my beloved cat Toffee in December. I hope and pray that this pain will ease as time goes on, and I hope it will for you Carol-Ann. We have her buried under the garden seat opposite the kitchen window and I feel her closeness - it's just so difficult the emptiness around. I hope you can think of the happy memories, which we all know is hard - I know myself and am so grateful for all the wonderful people on this site who give such love and comfort to all who grieve for the loss of a darling pet. Thinking of you Carol-Ann and of your much loved Deniro - bless you both xxx

Thank you everyone. I have his ashes and his teddybear that he used to pad, and i take them everywhere with me and sleep with them at night. His teddybear still has Deniro's smell and i pray that it always stays. I've blown up a tryptch of pictures and put them on to canvas to go on the wall but haven't yet managed to put them up as i cry everytime i see them. I think i'm finding it particularly hard to forget his last day as it was horrific for him and i feel so guilty for not seeing it coming. I regret so much about that last day and wish i could do it all over again. I also regret, and am incredibly angry at myself as i had some videos of him on my phone (the only videos of him in existence) and a couple of weeks before he died, my phone stopped working and i took it in to be fixed and they said they could reboot it but everything would be wiped. I agreed as i knew all my photos were on computer, but had forgotten about the videos and lost them. Deniro was only 7, so although i was upset, i though i had many more years with him to record more videos, but it wasn't to be. I would give anything now to have just one video of him. Just one. Thank you, though, for all for your comments and i will try and think more positively. Love and thanks to you all xxx

Dear Carol-Ann.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It is really hard to lose a loved furry family member.
It's only 9 days ago that I lost my pal, a tomcat named Cato, in a road accident. I'm thankful that we found him so at least we know what happened and he now rests in our garden under one of his favourite spots.
I'm still very upset about it and sharing my grief with my partner, friends and even on my personal Facebook page, is helping a lot. In my opinion, but of course, I could be wrong; it's the feeling of guilt of not being there in his last moments that really does your head in. I can well understand.
I’ve gone through his last morning almost a thousand times already. If only we had…..
People kept on pointing out though how much love he got in our house and how happy he has been with us.
I really hope that you can enjoy the memory of the good times ye had together.
Deniro can never be replaced, as you can’t replace a family member. But in time you might be ready to give another cat a home and in that sense expand your family as Deniro will always be part of your family as well.
Because of that I want to share something that somebody shared with me. I’m going out there soon to follow up on it. I hope you don’t mind me sharing, even though you might not be ready for quite a while. And I wish you all the best and all the strength and all the happy memories.

Before humans die, they write their last will and testament, and give their home and all they have to those they left behind.

If with my paws I could do the same, this is what I’d ask...

To the cold and lonely stray, I’d give my happy home,

My bowl and cosy bed, soft pillows and all my toys,

The lap which I loved so much, the tender loving touch,

The hand that stroked my fur...the sweet voice which called my name.

I’d will to the sad, scared shelter animal, the place I had in my human’s loving heart which seemed to know no bounds.

So, when I die, never say “I will never have a pet again, for the loss and pain is more than I can stand.”

Instead, go find a homeless animal, one whose life has held no joy or hope, and give MY place to THEM.

This is the only thing I can give...the love I left behind.

THIS is my inheritance: my will and last testament.

Thanks for sharing that Dolf, it is really very moving - even though I have come across it before there were tears reading it again but it is also so motivational and inspiring. I have previously shared it on our Facebook page but may well do it again as there have been many new members since the last time and it never hurts to motivate people to rescue does it?!

Totally agree with you Shailen. Although I'm still heartbroken, I also feel for all those cats who are still in the shelter: being well cared for but waiting for a real loving home. Even though they can't replace the lost feline family member, they can bring new joy in our family.