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16 days ago since I had to get my beautiful baby girl Castro put to sleep. People keep telling me that the pain is going to get easier and stuff but for me it's just getting harder and harder. I have never missed someone so much in my whole life. I have never ever been so upset. Everyday I wish for the same thing. To be able to turn back time and still have my princess with me. I totally regret the decision I made. And I don't think I'm ever going to be able to get over what has happened. I think a part of me died with her. I thought she was forever and when I had to make the decision to cut that short, it's destroyed me. Their are so many memories. Everywhere I look, everywhere I go, everything I do reminds me of my baby. I don't think the pain will ever ease. I've tried everything to try and help the grieving process but nothing is helping. I just want her back. She was my best friend. I never felt so lonely. :( I love you with all my heart baby girl. Sleep tight. Mammy xxxxxxx

Nicole you did the hardest thing possible that an animal lover has to do you were strong enough to end your pets suffering, I still live with the guilt that I had to do this over 5 years ago for the first time, but now when I look back at the photo's of her last few days I know that I did the right thing, but it doesn't make it any easier, you are suffering because you loved your pet so much and there is nothing wrong with that, it is hard and no it doesn't go away, but what you have draw strength from is that you ended their suffering your put THEIR needs before yours, give yourself time to grieve, one day you will know that you DID do the right thing but alot of healing has to happen first so sending you a massive hug xoxox You say you regret the decision, would she have lived a happy and painfree life if you hadn't? that is what you have to keep reminding youself, after six years I finally feel that I am accepting Gizzi's passing she had to be pts as she had mouth cancer, the reason why is because there is a kitten at the rescue that is the reincarnation of her and that has helped

Your baby never needed you to be strong so much as she did that day and you stepped up to the plate for her. That is all you can expect of yourself at that terribly sad time. I know that feeling of guilt so well. I begged the vet to bring back one of my babies when I had to have him put to sleep because I believed I had made a terrible mistake and desperately wanted them to inject an antidote but...after some time I came to believe again that I had done the best thing for him and any other feelings were about me and my need for him, not what he needed.

I know you're struggling and so many of us feel for you because we too have been where you are and will be again. The pain can seem overwhelming and crippling and why not after all? You had such a close bond with another living creature who made you feel wonderful and it has been taken from you suddenly. And you never had the chance to talk to her about it so you had to make a decision like that all on your own - it's one of the hardest things we ever have to do.

I pray that your pain eases a bit and that soon you will at least be able to shake the guilt off, because that makes it all so much harder.

Bless you for being such a loving, caring and responsible pet owner.

Ariane
xxx

Nicole - I know completely the pain you are going through and I am in tears reading you post - and I will be honest, it will take a lot of time to ease. You did not only the best thing, but the right thing for dear Castro. Nine months ago I lost my dear little puss Squeaky to a tumour, she was a rescue cat and I'd only had her for just over 2 years. She didn't let me make the awful decision thankfully, but I still feel heartbroken and think why didn't I do this, etc. Why did this have to happen to the sweetest, happiest little puss who was my world. Sometimes I scream to myself that I want her back, I can't cope still. So I understand as I am sure everyone does here, the feelings you are having are completely normal and like I said will not go away for some time. You must not regret the decision you made for Castro, she would not want to have suffered - you did the right think and one day when you meet up again she will thank you with all her heart. Sending you lots of hugs xx

Nicole, if the decision you made was to put Castro to sleep, then you have done the bravest, finest, most honourable thing in life for your friend. You took Castro into your life, you loved her, took care of her and gave her a life of happiness and dignity. You are in pain now because your grieving the terrible loss of Castro, and you are the one that made that final choice over her life, and as such, you are not able to blame someone or something else for Castros passing. I lost my girl on Xmas eve Nicole and am still grieving for her...she doesn't go away, and neither will Castro. Celebrate the life and love you both gave each other, and thank God he chose you to be her guardian for life. You were hers and she was yours, and that's special. Castro has gone on without you now Nicole. Be brave, be strong, be forgiving of yourself, but most of all, be thankful you had the time that you did with that lovely lass.......
I wish you well in your healing Nicole....x

I am so sorry for your loss, I had to do the hardest thing last October, and I can say I feel just like you I loved him like a child he was my best friend my soul mate , and I can not seem to get past the decision that i made to have him put to sleep but it happened all to quick and there was nothing could be done for him , I hope I can move on but just don`t seem to be able to , So please don`t think you are on your own . I made a Face book page in memory of Hollis it helped cause I post my memories of him so his life lives on , but I really wish he would just put his head on my knee as he always did so I could give him a cuddle I am now making myself upset just thinking of him , If ever you want to talk I am here for you x x x x x x <3

It took me a long time to be able to do this but, if you have any film of Castro when she was happy, it may help you to feel better when you're ready. I was told this by a good friend and was scared to watch films. I definitely could not look at photos as they hurt too much but seeing film of my baby when he was alive and well did help. I can even laugh at them now.

Aww Nicole how sad you must be feeling and I feel your heart breaking . I lost my little friend on 13th May last year and it was so unexpected she had only been ill overnight and we took her to the vets and after a day of updates we was told she had Pancreatic cancer and that we needed to let her go and to this day it cuts me up. I know in my heart we did the best thing for her but I am selfish in that if I could have kept her on a painfree journey then I would have done so. Please don't give yourself a hard time. The pain doesn't get any easier I don't think so but you just muddle through each day and remember the wonderful times you had with your beloved Pet . Take care xx

so sorry for your loss Nicole - it does take a long time - it is 15 months since I lost my precious cat Toffee. She was my everything, baby, friend, and shadow and the grieving process takes time. You must not feel any guilt; you loved her and she loved you unconditionally, and you did what was right for her.

I share your sadness, know how you are feeling, but she is in your heart forever. We love our precious animals so much because they love us and are so dependent on us; you did everything you could for her Nicole. Bless you and take care. XX

Thank you so much for all your kind and understanding words. I am sorry for all your losses. I just wish the pain would get easier. I wish I could bring her back. I feel like I've lost my child. This I'd the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I really want to e able to forgive myself but I just can't. I feel like I ended her life when she wasn't ready. I'd do anything to just hae one last cuddle. Miss my little girl. Xxxxxx

Hello Nicole...my condolences for the tragic loss of Castro, I cannot say any more than what others are saying. It will take time, could be years but it WILL ease. Your heart aches for the lost love and really you must put something there to take the pain away, like........making a photo album of all the lovely photos of the baby and decorate the front of it to make it special. Make a small collection of photos of Castro and make them into a photo gallery, in a special corner. Collect all the furbaby's bits, like her collar a tiny toy even a chewed chew and put them into a specialbox, I have mine in a heart shaped box. What I'm sayiong is do something constructive to give you reminders of all the love you had, even write a poem. And then, why not go the Ralph help places ie, bereavement etc, these sites are so helpful I can't give you magic words to make the pain go away and can only say, if she was poorly as your vet surely said so, don't go beating yourself up for what is....life, and you being a loving mommy, doing the RIGHT thing. She is happy now, free from pain up there by the 'bridge playing with other furbabies at a party perhaps, with some balloons? So, the next balloon you see she has tossed it to you to say "Hi, mommy, I'm ok" ethereal hugs and kisses to your baby, love to youxx

oh honey i'm so sorry making that decision is so hard yes people will tell you time will heal and it does eventually but people grieve in different ways and some take longer to recover from a loss than others you're furry angel will always be with you in you're heart you were strong enough to see it was her time to go and loved her enough to let her. You have to think would she want you to be this upset or would she want you to remember the happy times you had together try when you look around and see everything reminding you of her remember the times she made you smile and the love she gave that will hep you xx

Thank you so much for all the good ideas and kind words. I'm still finding it really difficult to come to terms with the fact I no longer have my little girl and I'm sure ill manage eventually but at the minute I can't stop feeling guilty and regretting the decision I made. It was a joint decision as she was the family dog but I'm the one that's finding it the hardest as she was my shadow. She came everywhere she could with me and she was with me all of the time. I got diagnosed with Crohn's disease and she and my partner we my rock. I felt like she understood me and was there for me when I was feeling down. I will me we ever be able to get over the loss. She meant more to me than anyone ever has or ever will. She was coming up 17 and I'd had her 10 years. But to be honest it felt like a life time. Words cannot describe the pain I'm feeling. I got her ashes put into a teddy bear which is quite similar to the type of dog she was and I guess that's helped me a bit as I can lie and cuddle her in bed but in another sense it's made me worse because she's not real. I did end her suffering and I couldn't have watched her get worse but if I could just spend one more day with her to properly say goodbye I would do. I have everything I have left of her in some pretty boxes in my sitting room. I have a photo album which still needs filling but I need to get round to doing that. And I have plenty of photos In frames around the house. Her collar is on the teddy beAr but I'm still wishing that the teddy would just spring to life and she'd be back. I know that will never happen but again I still need to come to terms with it. It feels good to be talking to people who understand. Thank you again. Xxxxx

Nicole, the decision you made was the one I just made yesterday. I started to second guess myself but everyone at the Vet's said it was the right thing to do. You did not want your baby to suffer, it is a terrible decision to make but the right one. We always say "what if" but at the time you did it because you loved your dog. I hope things are better.
Rob