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We lost our gorgeous boy Dillon yesterday , we had to make the Decision to have him put to sleep , it breaks my heart whilst writing this , he was 11 years old and had gone deaf and going blind , eventually starting becoming very depressed and not wanting anymore love or fuss just to lie next to me he also had fits etc and after a second opinion the vet said she could do more tests but she knew there would be a lot wrong with him as he was also covered in 100's black moles and skin tags that we're bleeding a lot more ;-( I suppose I'm trying to justify the reason to letting him go but I feel an enormous amount of guilt , overwhelming sadness , my house is so empty.
When he was well he would light up a room , go crazy with excitement of new people coming round our house and love nothing more than morning cuddles from me and the family and followed me everywhere from the living room , garden to the bath he lit up my world , was my best friend who never judged me and snuggled me as much as I wanted .
Words can't describe how I feel right now I know he was not the same happy dog he once was , just staring at the floor most days , ignoring any guests that come round and just slept all the time I wish I could've helped him more than I did or did I give up on him too soon could I have put him through more tests an pain injections every few days I just don't know , I know I've got to live with my boy being gone forever an never knowing if I did the right thing , I'm waiting for his ashes now so he can be back home with me an family hopefully where he would like to be :-(
R.i.p dilli doodles I love you more than words can say , to the sea and back , round the world and back , sleep tight my precious boy xxxxx

Oh Michelle I am sure you did the right thing to stop your boy suffering. It really does sound as if his quality of life had gone down. I lost my beloved Wegie Voodoo yesterday - he had cancer and it had spread plus he was dehydrated despite me syringe feeding. I was going to ask for a scan and more blood tests but the vet just looked at me and said 'do you really think he has quality of life?' and having observed him carefully for 24 hours I had to answer 'no'. It is normal to question the decision you have made = part of the grieving process. I too am awaiting Voodoo's ashes back. I have had quite a few cats put to sleep over the years and it NEVER gets any easier. I always worry I have done it too soon or too late, letting them suffer. But I do feel in Voo's case it was the best and indeed, only loving decision to make. It sounds as if your baby was starting to suffer, so I do feel you have made the right decision and hope eventually you will feel the same way. Take care of yourself.

Never ever feel guilty about having to do the hardest loving final act for your much loved pet, you did the best thing, it is about "quality" of life, his quality not yours, I have done the lets try everything possible lets keep them alive for as long as possible and when I look back the guilt I feel is far worse than any other of the pets that I ended their suffering, I selfishly allowed Gizzi to suffer for 3 months longer than I should and that guilt is far far worse than putting the others to sleep while they still had quality of life, It is a very very hard and sad road as a owner when we have to say our farewells, for you as well Helena xoxox I found comfort from getting the ashes back, they were back home with me then, back where they belonged, Michelle hold on to the fact that you were with him and he suffers no more, I won't say it will take months because it takes far longer I think to finally feel we did the right thing. Could you have bared it if you had fought for longer and he had suffered, find it in your heart to forgive yourself. Sending huge huge hugs to you both xoxoxo The day you get their ashes you will know you did the right thing xoxox

Hi Michelle,

So sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my beautiful girl Penny on March 7th this year. She was almost 11 years old. We had her from when she was 5. She was a magical dog, so very special in every way. My heart still aches because she has gone to sleep.

She had heart failure and was declining quickly, we had her put to sleep before it got too out of hand.

You have made the right decision for your boy. I felt the same as you, did I give up too quickly but a few months down the line I can see more clearly that I made the right choice for her. It would have been selfish to keep her here longer knowing she was in discomfort. I promise you this feeling will go away in time.

Losing Penny is one of the hardest things that I have ever been through, even now writing this the tears are streaming down my face. I miss her terribly and there is a huge gap in my life without her. I have another dog who I had since before Penny he is 9 and I love him to pieces. He has helped me through this. I have also brought some new dogs into my life and that has kept me very busy but everyday I think of Penny often. Most of the time I can smile about the fun times we shared but sometimes I fall apart thinking how much I wish she was here.

Be thankful you had a wonderful pet in your life and shared happy times and memories.

I promise it gets better xx

Michelle please don't ever feel guilt in your heart for doing the best thing for Dillon,i went through the same emotions in Nov 13 when my beautiful boy Chay had to be euthanised at 15yrs old,just looking into his gorgeous brown eyes on that fateful morning helped me make the right choice,he tried so hard to stay well just for my benefit and although my heart was breaking into pieces i knew i had to let him go,it shows that you loved him enough to allow him to feel peace even though it would mean heartbreak for you,that is a sure sign of selfless love and now through your tears you need to try and concentrate on all the fantastic yrs you had together and how much he would have loved and adored you,i found this poem after losing Chay and it gave me great comfort so i am posting it here in the hope it will help you to,stay strong and remember he is there in spirit if not in body xxx

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this, the last battle, can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see
I know in time you will agree,
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you,
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close,we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Thank you all so much for your beautiful and kind responses , I have moments when I know I did the right thing for my boy and then break down again thinking I should've or could've or was he having a bad day etc I know il feel pain for a long time , I know in time I would want another pug to light up my heart again but I know I need to grieve and cherish his life he had with me I just hope his spirit is with me I know his ashes will bring me some comfort to know he is back home , iv just had to cancel his holiday to Devon with us it just breaks my heart I so wanted to spoil him , I'm so sorry about all your losses our pets really are like our children x x

Please don't feel guilty, Michelle, you did everything you could for your lovely Dillon. I've been in the same situation too many times to list, and each time I've asked myself the same thing. We all go through the 'if I'd done this, or done that' stage, but in the end, we do what we must, because we love them and can't see them suffer. I lost both my dogs within two months of each other two years ago - I want another dog, but I'm going to wait. With each of my furry friends, they have come to me, I haven't gone out of my way to search for them. If I'm meant to have another dog - or cat - then something will happen and I will be guided towards them.

Please don't feel guilty, Michelle, you did everything you could for your lovely Dillon. I've been in the same situation too many times to list, and each time I've asked myself the same thing. We all go through the 'if I'd done this, or done that' stage, but in the end, we do what we must, because we love them and can't see them suffer. I lost both my dogs within two months of each other two years ago - I want another dog, but I'm going to wait. With each of my furry friends, they have come to me, I haven't gone out of my way to search for them. If I'm meant to have another dog - or cat - then something will happen and I will be guided towards them.

thank you brenda , that is a good way of finding a new pet i believe in signs etc
i really hope my heart heals in time i know it wont ever be the same dillon was such a massive part of it , that must of been awful for you to go through losing both gorgeous dogs in such a short time , i honestly feel for everyone who is going through this xx

Dear Michelle. You absolutely 1000% did the right thing. Dillon was telling you he'd had enough and wanted to go. You did everything possible you could for him. The feelings of guilt we get when we have to make that decision is very natural. We wouldn't be human otherwise, but it WAS the right decision. When you get Dillon's ashes back, you will get a sense of comfort from that. It's a relief to have them home. We have our little Terrier's ashes in pride of place in the living room .. I talk to him often. We've seen him a few times as well, a little shadow that darts across the room or the garden. I think our departed pets like to come back to check on us from time to time. None of us can predict what is going to happen in our lives, and that go's for what happens in the lives of our pets as well. We know the time we have with them is precious and we can only shower them with love and treasure each and every year that they are with us. And when the time comes.. as it always does. We must be brave and do what has to be done.. what our beloved pets are asking us to do. It's our last act of love. It hurts like nothing else on earth. But it's the right thing. Bless you Michelle. Sending you much love and hugs. It WILL get better. Just take things one day at a time.. and be kind to yourself. xxxx

Thank you Karen , I really hope one day I will feel his presence again or just a sign to show he is with me always sometimes I think I can hear him or see him I know it's my eyes playing tricks on me :-(
I still can't stop the feeling of guilt should I have bought him home for one more night I didn't get to spend enough time with him to say goodbye could he have lasted longer with help , my husband thinks I'm getting worse with crying but I just can't help it everything sets me off especially home alone in the house :-(( I will also out dillons ashes in pride of place just like you have done for your terrier , how long will I feel this sadness :-( x

Thinking of you Michelle and sending hugs. You did everything you could for your precious Dillon. I lost my cat Toffee over 2 years ago, and part of the grieving is feeling we should have done things differently, I still go over things and still cry, but our precious pets know how much we love them and that everything we do for them is because they mean such a lot to us. I feel Toffee's presence and when we were burying her under the garden seat where she used to love to sit, there was a little robin hopping about; I see a little robin in that area nearly every day; a little sign I am sure. Take care of yourself; Dillon will always be in your heart, so always close. I am always here for you Michelle; I understand what you are feeling ; it is a sad and difficult time. Bless you xx

thank you penny , im sorry for the loss of ur cat toffee , im sure she is with you always , this thought is the only thing keeping me strong is hoping dillon is with me at all times , its been 5 days since we lost him and to be honest it feels no better , i hate going to sleep at night as i feel each morning iv moved on slightly and i dont want to :( sounds weird i know.
im back at work tomo and im dreading how i will cope as i keep breaking down x

Hi Michelle, Dillon is with you all the time and his memory will live on for ever. Don't worry about work tomorrow; break down if you need to; you must release the tears. You will find people understand and will help you get through these difficult days. Time is a great healer. but it takes time; don't expect to instantly feel better because there's always some reminder that brings everything flooding back. i am not going to say there is a time limit, because there isn't. I still cry 2 years and 6 months on; Toffee was so much part of my life and i miss her so much. Thanks for your kind words about her. Take things day by day and be gentle with yourself. Dillon had a wonderful life with you and you will feel his presence at different times, which will give you comfort. Take care and i'm here to talk xx