Forums

Hello,
I have posted on here before after the loss of my wonderful boy, Big Fella on 6 Jan this year. I have found it a terrible struggle and have felt really depressed since his passing, but I have been told this is part of my grieving process.
Today, I am collecting a kitten and although, in many ways I feel good about this, a huge part of me feels guilty and my inner voice is telling me I am a "bad person" for doing so so soon after Big's passing.
I just wanted to ask for some help with this :-(
xxxxxxxxx

Hello Michelle, I understand completely how you are feeling. Toffee died 3 years ago and I have had this guilt feeling of getting another cat; also I felt I could not go through the heartbreak again. We have just applied to the Cats Protection League with a view to fostering; I felt that was perhaps right for me; I have so much love to give, but would be caring for a cat until such time as it found a forever home/ Whether this is right or not I don't know; must admit do feel strange about it all and quite emotional. Hope things work out Michelle; let me know how you get on with your new kitten. Penny xx

Michelle, my Poppy died at home in October, a week before I moved house. I was catless for the first time in 24 years. 2 weeks ago I adopted wee scaredy cat from Cat Protection. The said he's the most scared cat they've ever had in their care. He's about 2/3 years old and I'vr called him Alfie. He's still very scared and spends most of jis time under the dining table or in his igloo bed. I'm sure he'll come round eventually and I'll feel more settled in my new house. A cat makes a house a home. You're doing the right thing. You have a lot of love to give to another wee furry friend and it is not betraying your lost baby.

I've been known to have depression after the loss of a pet, requiring anti depressants. It is nothing to be ashamed of and can be part of the natural grief process. Guilt is also a part of natural grieving process. Getting another pet in no way takes away the love you had for your puss, and the little one will help you mend. Enjoy your new kitten and it'll remind you of the better times with Big Fella. You will start to feel better with time and something else to focus on.

Hello Penny, Mary and Rachel.
Thank-you for your supportive words, it really does help. Need your kind, reassuring "voices" on here!
I think it's a lovely idea to foster a cat Penny, and maybe in time a foster cat may become a forever cat? Thank you for telling me about Alfie, Mary. How wonderful he has a home with someone like you who will give him lots of love and patience.
Thank you Rachel for your helpful words too - it really means a lot.
My new cat Billy has arrived and it feels all so strange....I am still crying about Big as I miss him dreadfully but this makes me feel guilty towards Billy. It's all so confusing emotionally. Billy has hidden under my bed where I have left him to settle himself.
xxxx

Hello Michelle, I expect all is so new for Billy, and you too are experiencing a different feeling, missing Big and having a little one to love and care for. Hope all goes well; keep in touch. Your feelings of loss are still going to be with you; it's early days and Big was such a huge part of your life. Little Billy needs your love, and he will give you so much in return. Take care. Love Penny xxx

Thanks Penny...for some reason I'm not sure how to react towards Billy....I don't regret getting him as that would be awful but I feel very selfish for getting a cat so soon...I feel it isn't fair on Billy either?? Please don't get me wrong, he is lovely, but I feel I should have waited.
I will love him lots but just all so up and down emotionally............I know it sounds very naïve but as much as I love my cats I never thought I would be experiencing so much pain and sadness still? Please keep in touch...means so much xxxxxxx

Michelle, your grief is still very raw. It's strange getting used to a new cat. Billy will also be finding it very strange and he will be very scared, just like you. You can help each other. Remember, he's still a baby. Love and cherish him and he will give loads back, just like you did with Big Fella. Big Fella will help you. xxx

I do understand Michelle; your emotions are very mixed up; Billy will help you ; you both have each other to get used to and he is just a baby. In a few days when Billy has settled down you will find your emotions do as well. Take care; I will keep in touch and will remember you in my prayers Hugs xxxxxxxx

Hi Michelle, We love each and every one of our pets as the unique individuals that they are. When we lose them a little piece of us goes with them but a piece of them stays with us forever. Big Fella knows how much you loved, and will always, love him and he wouldn't want you to be unhappy. You've done a wonderful thing in opening your heart to Billy and he will help you through this. We know how painful it is right now but it will get better with time. We're all here to help you. Sending you love and hugs, Mary

Hello Penny and Mary,
I just wanted to say thank-you for being so supportive...I'm starting to feel more content with myself now and little Billy is so affectionate and loving. I know he will never replace my Big Fella, and I wouldn't want him to as he is a cat in his own right. He is a real character and gets on well already with my other 3.
Thanks again....
Lots of love Michelle xxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Michelle, So pleased to hear you are feeling more content with yourself. Sounds as if little Billy has settled in well and you have become great friends; take care. Always here for a chat Xx Love and Hugs, Penny XXXXX