Bertie
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#694 - by Anthony Walker >> Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:59 am My Bertie passed away at a specialist clinic last Sunday. I had taken him to the vet`s because of pain when he jumped up or down. Twice he emitted horrific screams. The vet counselled complete rest and I reversed the chairs and sofa and slept on the floor by his bed with him for several nights. When I saw he was depressed by this, and that he was shivering and panting, I took him again, but left him overnight at the vet`s, even though he was pulling to get to me as I left him. The next morning his breathing had gone awry and he was gasping. The drive to the specialist clinic lasted 40 minutes with him gasping. The specialist suspected a spinal injury or tumour and Bertie was awaiting an MRI prior to possible surgery. He died in the night, 4 am Sunday, before any procedure was undertaken. I didn`t know it was to be a final goodbye, so my goodbye to him was brief. I wasn`t with him. By leaving him I had brought about the breathing difficulty which broke his heart. It feels like I did this to him. |
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Posted by: julie king |
Posts: 14 - Joined: Sun Jun 22nd, 2014 09:33 am
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#695 - by julie king >> Sat Aug 16th, 2014 10:23 am Hi Anthony. I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a beloved furry friend unexpectedly is absolutely devastating. Bertie sounds like he was really struggling to breathe. As well as the pain he was in jumping up and down. You did the very best for your Bertie, sleeping by his side and travelling distances to various specialists. Bertie knew that you adored him so please stop blaming yourself for your brief goodbye. Your little Bertie is now running around free from pain and suffering at Rainbow Bridge. You will be reunited with Bertie for eternity one day. |
| Juliek |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#696 - by Anthony Walker >> Sat Aug 16th, 2014 01:25 pm Thank you so much Julie. |
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Posted by: Shailen |
Posts: 100 - Joined:
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#697 - by Shailen >> Sun Aug 17th, 2014 01:15 am Hi Anthony,
Very sorry for your loss and please take on board what Julie has said. As a specialist vet myself, it certainly does sound like Bertie was struggling and you needed to try and get to the bottom of why. I have obviously treated many dogs and cats in my years and although they can be distressed when they are first left the vast vast majority do settle down and stay calm etc. after a short while. The fact that his breathing got so bad makes me wonder about an illness doing that to him that was perhaps also the cause of his apparent pain. I am not sure what breed Bertie is and it is obviously difficult to comment much further about his medical condition without all the necessary information. Either way, I hope you are able to try and set any guilt or regret to one side, which he would not want you to be feeling, and concentrate on grieving him.
RIP Bertie.
Take care,
Shailen |
| Shailen (The Ralph Site founder) |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#698 - by Anthony Walker >> Mon Aug 18th, 2014 01:24 pm Many, many thanks. The clouds are beginning to lift, but I still feel bad about leaving him overnight, because the reasons were partly selfish: I was depressed and knew he was. I remember him pulling toward me as I left. I have written to the specialist for an assurance in writing that he was seriously ill, even though undiagnosed as such (he died before an MRI could be taken). I know I didn`t do what some people do, have their dog euthanased for its own sake, but I still feel "dirty" about it, even though he wasn`t euthanased but died naturally, or through stress. It`s the thought that I probably expedited his death by leaving him. He had avoided all major disease, remarkably for a starving stray who was saved in infancy.
Vets would not cover the truth of his death circumstances to spare my feelings, would they? |
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Posted by: Shailen |
Posts: 100 - Joined:
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#699 - by Shailen >> Mon Aug 18th, 2014 05:30 pm No I really don't think they would. In general everyone realises that transparency and honesty is the best policy. There may be some sugar-coating of course but that is to be expected - and welcomed - but I believe they would tell you the truth. |
| Shailen (The Ralph Site founder) |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#703 - by Anthony Walker >> Mon Oct 20th, 2014 01:23 pm After two months I am still tortured by the thought that he felt I had abandoned him. I wasn`t with him. I must believe the vets when they say the end was sudden, that he had been eating well and made a fuss of, but he was in a strange place and I wasn`t there. He died without me. He was improving, I`ve been told - in which case rest at home may have saved him. He died through his breathing being rendered awry by my frenzied action in taking him in, and being separated from me. |
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Posted by: Shailen |
Posts: 100 - Joined:
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#708 - by Shailen >> Tue Oct 21st, 2014 10:35 am Sorry to hear that you are still struggling over Bertie. It sounds cliche but we always say that there is not set time-frame for coming to terms with these things; some people seem to find mental peace relatively soon, for others it takes time. And as with your scenario, I think the ones that can struggle most is when they are not sure that the way things ended was how they wished it had been. This can continue to niggle for some time and while it is easy for others to try and offer comfort and reassurance, ultimately each person has to come to terms with those feelings in their own time. Please do consider speaking to the kind folks at the Pet Bereavement Support Service in confidence in case talking it through will help. Their details are at the link below:
http://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=21
Take care.
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| Shailen (The Ralph Site founder) |
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Posted by: Debbie Gates |
Posts: 2 - Joined: Tue Sep 2nd, 2014 10:07 pm
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#711 - by Debbie Gates >> Tue Oct 21st, 2014 10:32 pm Anthony, our love of our "babies" make it almost impossible to not somehow feel guilt no matter how they passed. I am one of the people that put their pet to sleep for his sake. our options were a dangerous surgery or "being kept comfortable' by a cancer center. My 5 year old Lab had a tumor wrapped around his spine and was in great pain. His symptoms sound much like your poor babies. I feel tremendous guilt, agonizing really and its been 2 months. The surgeon said the surgery could have made matters worse he was being crippled by this tumor. I didn't want to leave him as i know he would have been terrified without me. so my guilt is that i chose another option. I pray for peace for all of us. that we can let go of our guilt so we can move through this grief as we should. please don't think you were the cause of his death you weren't. |
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Posted by: julie king |
Posts: 14 - Joined: Sun Jun 22nd, 2014 09:33 am
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#712 - by julie king >> Wed Oct 22nd, 2014 09:27 am Hi Anthony. Please try and stop blaming yourself. I know it is hard. I still blame myself for not calling my cat in when I saw him in the back garden. 10 minutes later neighbours were banging on my door. He had been run over. This was just over 4 months ago. Sometimes I feel that it somehow it must of been his "time". Other times it is really hard. All I can say is eventually you will come to terms with Bertie's crossing. I noticed that Shailen mentioned the pet bereavement services. I urge you to ring them.... I did. Hugs to you x |
| Juliek |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#713 - by Anthony Walker >> Thu Oct 23rd, 2014 02:32 pm Very many thanks to all of you. You are very kind and are suffering too. It may be that I have had to stay home this past week due to illness and am reminded there of him so much, whereas before then I was "escaping" by going out every day all day. I will contact the bereavement service. Thanks again. I hope time will soothe your pain too. Warmest regards. x |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#714 - by Anthony Walker >> Sat Oct 25th, 2014 02:38 pm I have made out in my will for Bertie`s things, including several albums of photos and reliquaries of his fur cuttings, to go to a friend in France and her son, in the event of my death, as I cannot think of anyone here whose children would be interested enough to safeguard them. Unfortunately, I`ve received intimations leading me to believe my friend`s son, who is mentally ill, may also fail to look after them following his mother`s death. It appears there is nothing in place for the material legacy of a fellow animal to be preserved. Failing other options, I must entrust these things to those I have bequeathed them to, even though my trust may not be kept down the line. |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#897 - by Anthony Walker >> Mon Aug 10th, 2015 04:04 pm It is one year today since Bertie passed away. I feel his presence and I thank the Ralph Site with all my heart for honouring him today and for being with me. Thank you, everyone. Bertie, I`m here, always. |
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Posted by: Admin |
Posts: 74 - Joined: Wed Jun 8th, 2011 01:05 am
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#898 - by Admin >> Wed Aug 12th, 2015 07:03 pm Hi Anthony,
Glad that the site was able to help you in some small way. Anniversaries can be so difficult, often especially the first one. RIP Bertie, always loved.
Take care,
Shailen |
| The Ralph Site Admin |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#960 - by Anthony Walker >> Sat Feb 6th, 2016 12:55 pm Many thanks. Now it is Bertie`s birthday, Feb. 6th, here in 2016, and the pain remains raw. I cannot thank you all enough for your support and kindness. |
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Posted by: Shailen |
Posts: 100 - Joined:
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#961 - by Shailen >> Tue Feb 9th, 2016 07:09 pm Hi Anthony,
I saw your posts on the Facebook page and great that you are able to share how you feel with others. There really is no set time frame or grief time line that applies to everyone.
All the best,
Shailen |
| Shailen (The Ralph Site founder) |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#962 - by Anthony Walker >> Thu Feb 11th, 2016 10:25 am A doctor sneered (I was wearing a t-shirt with Bertie`s picture on it): "A MONTH!? A long time to be grieving for A DOG!" |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#966 - by Anthony Walker >> Sat Jun 4th, 2016 01:18 pm I will be posting here my poem for Bertie, written in medieval Occitan and published in Provence in the Mesclum almanac. |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#970 - by Anthony Walker >> Wed Aug 10th, 2016 10:25 am Today is two years since his passing. Thank you to all here who have been such a comfort to me. |
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Posted by: Shailen |
Posts: 100 - Joined:
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#971 - by Shailen >> Thu Aug 11th, 2016 10:20 pm Hope you found yesterday wasn't too difficult Anthony. Anniversaries can sometimes be harder and we always say that there is no set timeline for grief.
Take care,
Shailen |
| Shailen (The Ralph Site founder) |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#995 - by Anthony Walker >> Mon Sep 5th, 2016 11:04 am Many thanks for this Shailen. I love him always. You are all so kind here and help me a lot. My heartfelt feelings go out to all of you who have lost such a friend as is Bertie (because he always is, not was.) |
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Posted by: Anthony Walker |
Posts: 19 - Joined: Sat Aug 16th, 2014 09:52 am
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#1199 - by Anthony Walker >> Thu Aug 10th, 2017 08:42 am That date again and still raw. He stood with the black and red jacket they had put on him and looked anxiously at me. A little kiss from me, not realising it would be the last. I long for you, my love. |
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