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Hello everyone. I'm new to this forum but looking for some reassurance, I guess. I hope that's OK.

I have an elderly cat, Stone, who will be 20 in August. She has been in my life since she was a few weeks old (my university house mate brought her but I ended up caring for her). For the past 20 years, Stone has been my constant companion, from my uni days when she used to follow me to the pub or shop and wait outside, through to now. I work from home and she has always been with me, day in day out, sleeping by my side or at my feet every single night. She's the gentlest, most loving cat you could ask for and my children (age 6 and 8) worship her.

Over the past six months, she has noticeably declined. She is deaf now and her back legs are very frail, which the vet thinks is neurological rather than arthritis. She also has the early stages of kidney disease. These days, her fur is matted where she struggles to groom but I groom her daily to help. She's happy during the day - although she sleeps a lot - but she meows constantly at night, mainly for reassurance, I think, which I'm finding exhausting and distressing. Once I fuss her she's fine but it's still worries me that it distressing for her too.

The vet says that while she's still managing the stairs, jumping on low furniture and eating well, I shouldn't fret and that I can trust him to advocate for her when he feels she's had enough. My other half says the same. I'm just so scared that I won't know when it's time to let her go and that she'll suffer because of me. At the same time, I don't want to take a decision to end her life too soon. I feel as though I'm grieving already - I know I'll soon have to face a life that doesn't have Stone in it and she's been with me half of my own life. I worry about her constantly. It's breaking my heart to see my beautiful girl slowly decline and I'm struggling with knowing what's right.

My other half says we'll know when the time comes but will we?

I feel for you Emma, Stone has been such a loyal and close friend for years and you don't want to let her down when you feel she needs you most but honestly you will know when the time is right. On 21st May I had to make the decision to pts my gorgeous boy Riise who had been with us for 8yrs. My husband was away so I had to bring him to the vet alone.I knew deep down that it was his time because he was no longer the Riise we knew and loved. We used to call him the Sergeant Major because he had a way of sitting and staring at you to get what he wanted and like Stone he was meticulous in his grooming. But he ended up being a shadow of himself with a look in his eyes I find difficult to portray. My son commented that he wasn't sure if cats could get depression but if they could Riise had it and that about summed it up. Like you I didnt want to let him go, ever. I prayed on the awful journey over that the vet would say there was something else they could try but I still knew deep down. All his fight and spirit had gone. He didnt go mad like he usually did when he had to go in the car. He didnt cry and miaow at the sheer outrageous nerve of me to put him into that dreaded box. Even in the vets he didn't fight he just lay quietly. It was a heartbreaking decision and the vet even encouraged me to take him home until my husband returned but I knew it was his time and Riise did too. The vet kindly gave us s few minutes alone so we could say goodbye and he just looked at me like he was telling me its okay. Im crying again typing this thinking about the look he gave me but it was there believe me, he had simply had enough. I knew he didn't want any more injections or tablets forced into him, he just wanted to head off. I waited while he went to sleep then brought him home and buried him on his favourite cushion surrounded by his much loved cat nip in the garden he patrolled with Sergeant Major like vigour. Yes I am still heart broken with so many reminders of him everywhere but it makes it a small bit easier to bear because I certain it was the right decision and what he wanted. I hope this doesn't come across as a long rambling story of my own loss but please remember that when the time comes both you and your beloved Stone will be of the same mind. Riise told me as clearly as if he could speak Stone will too. I wish you all the luck in the world at this difficult time but try to focus on all the wonderful memories you have of her 20years together will have ensured you will have no end to your happy memories...í ½ l

Dear Emma. Your other half is right. You WILL know when the time has come. Stone will let you know herself. What a fantastic age Stone has got to, and what a wonderful, wonderful life you have given her. Please try not to fret too much, just make the most of every day you still have her. I promise you, you WILL know when the time has come. Stone WILL let you know. You won't end up letting her suffer. That was always my worry with our little dog, but he let us know when it was time. Sending you hugs and much love. xx

Emma, you will know when the time comes, painful though the thought is. Over the years, I have had to make the decision to let a beloved friend go. Most times, it was obvious, they had had an illness, or accident, or stroke, the big C in one case, and even though you want to keep them just that little bit longer, there comes a time when a look is exchanged between you, and you both know that it is time to say goodbye. I have had pets since the age of four [now sixty plus] and have only lost three [two dogs, one cat] that have slipped away in their sleep, and perhaps this is what might happen with Stone. While she is happy, and eating, and able to get around, then savour every second. Trust your vet, trust your heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

I just wanted to thank each of you for your kind replies. I appreciate it more than you could imagine. Thank you for your reassurance. You're right - I need to treasure every day, let Stone know how very loved she is and trust that we'll know when she's had enough. I'll never feel like we've had enough time but I know how lucky we are to have enjoyed 20 years without a single day of bad health until now. x

Emma. Brenda has said all that has to be said, I too have experienced many beloved pet losses, she is right. Take care, we on here will be thinking of you xxx

Emma, I feel for you. All I can say is that you actually DO know when the time is right! In my own case, when my much loved dog, Dillon, was slowly failing - I felt much like you. Not wanting to let Dillon suffer, but not wanting to let him go too soon. Having sat up with Dillon all through the night on Monday 2nd July 2012, he had his head on my lap and several times he looked straight at me, real eye contact. I knew these eyes were telling me something, and I told him that I would take his pain away. I went back to the vet the following day and made the arrangement for the vet to come to my house on 6th July. Dillon passed away on my lap, with me cuddling him. This site has helped me through my grief. Sending my love. Pat x

Emma I do think you will know. I had my beloved Voodoo put to sleep yesterday. I was going to ask vet for scans and more blood tests but she said he was very dehydrated despite me syringing him. It really does come down to 'quality of life'. Voodoo had stopped eating. He had cancer and there was nothing the vets could do and it had spread. Knowing when to let a cat go is the hardest decision I have had to make, but I just could not let him suffer. Providing your little one is eating, drinking and purring and moving around then to me, she has quality of life. I would just suggest you treasure every day.

Emma I do think you will know. I had my beloved Voodoo put to sleep yesterday. I was going to ask vet for scans and more blood tests but she said he was very dehydrated despite me syringing him. It really does come down to 'quality of life'. Voodoo had stopped eating. He had cancer and there was nothing the vets could do and it had spread. Knowing when to let a cat go is the hardest decision I have had to make, but I just could not let him suffer. Providing your little one is eating, drinking and purring and moving around then to me, she has quality of life. I would just suggest you treasure every day.

Emma, speaking from experience, you will know when the time comes. It's the hardest and most heart-wrenching decision I've ever had to make but I knew Tinkerbell was ready to make her final journey.