heartbroken cat killed by car
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1004 - by eviemay >> Thu Sep 29th, 2016 03:19 pm our precious car was run over 4 wks. ago she was so special followed me everywhere looked after me when i was ill i loved her so much always telling her this looked after her best i could well i thought i was till this happened got her in before dark didn't have cat flap so to monitor how much she went out. Got her in this day and she sneaked back out by tiny opening in window husband was just going to close it ran out try to get her and she run off then we get call from vet telling me what happened. I was devastated couldn't think straight felt guilty i let her down prayed to god I'm sorry light a candle in church for her .my husband wouldn't got vets to say goodbye said he wanted to remember her the way she was i went to vet 2 days later wanted to speak about what happened couldn't still believe it .ask to see her too late she gone to crematorium she said best to not see her i said tell me no more i feel bad i didn't say goodbye to our beautiful baby dont know how to get over this and the guilt wished i kept her as a indoor cat. can you give me advice please |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1005 - by Kiz >> Thu Sep 29th, 2016 09:46 pm So very sorry for the loss of your special cat. To come to terms with such a terrible accident will take time. It is a heartbreaking experience but please try to remember her as she was, and all the good times you shared. You loved her and looked after her and she knew that. Cats are very determined characters - that is one of the reasons we love them - and sadly she escaped that night. It was not your fault. As you did not get to say goodbye perhaps you could do something to celebrate her life by creating an online tribute, a photo album, or some sort of memorial in a favourite spot of hers in the garden. There are also support lines and groups where you can talk to people who understand what you are going through. Look after yourself, much love to you and your husband at this sad time, xx.
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1006 - by eviemay >> Thu Sep 29th, 2016 11:50 pm hi kiz thank you so much for your kind words .yes i am heartbroken i will never forget this but i will heal in my own time she will always be in our hearts our precious girl .doing the online tribute is a good idea i will do that with a picture of her thank you kiz means a lot to hear from you we had her cremated will scatter some of her ashes where she used to sit a lot in the garden Put some flowers there much love to you too xx |
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Posted by: Penny Hudson |
Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm
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#1007 - by Penny Hudson >> Fri Sep 30th, 2016 12:07 am Sending you love and hugs, and am so sorry for the loss of your precious cat. It is something we all dread losing a cat on the road, but these accidents happen so quickly. I lost my cat Toffee nearly 5 years ago and she will be in my heart forever. I have found photos around the house help and joining the Ralph site was such a great comfort; meeting friends who understood and were so kind knowing the sadness I was going through. You will find great support on here and we are always here for you. Take care; take each day at a time and remember she is in your heart so always near. Love, Penny x |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1008 - by eviemay >> Fri Sep 30th, 2016 12:24 am penny thank you so much for your kind words too i have done nothing but cry today over our evie ,so sorry to hear about your toffee. how long did it take penny to feel just that bit better. she will be in your heart forever like our evie we have put photos up of her and printed bigger photos of her. have lots on my mobile too .this site is helping me thank you. much love debbie xx |
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Posted by: Michelle Ball |
Posts: 66 - Joined:
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#1009 - by Michelle Ball >> Fri Sep 30th, 2016 02:26 am Hello Debbie
I'm so sorry for your loss, I know just how breath-taking the pain is when you lose a pet, especially in such devastating circumstances....I can tell straight away how strongly you loved her, I can really feel your pain. I wish I could take some of it away for you :(
Please, please don't beat yourself up thinking you should never let her out. Cats love to explore and she was obviously a cat who enjoyed going out - some people even say it's cruel to keep a cat inside.
Guilt is a very natural part of the grieving process. It's almost like we try and convince ourselves we are a wicked person who is somehow to blame for our pets passing. When I had my beloved cat Big Fella put to sleep the physical and emotional pain was unbearable. I remember thinking it would never lift but eventually I started to feel a little better. Even now I have days when I think of him and become very tearful, and it will be 2 years in January since he passed on.
I found this site very supportive and I also found the Blue cross pet bereavement service especially helpful. It's free and you can telephone or speak to a counsellor via email - which I did. If you go to the website, follow the link for details.
In the meantime, take care of yourself. In time all the horrible thoughts and feelings lift, and bit by bit all the happy memories break through.
Stay in touch
Michelle xxx
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1011 - by Kiz >> Fri Sep 30th, 2016 09:05 am Hi Debbie, Do send us a link to your online tribute when you post it. It would be lovely to see Evie's picture. As to how long it takes before you start to feel better ... I think it is a long journey. I lost my beautiful cat to cancer in May and every day is different - some bad, some better. Somehow you keep going and try very hard to focus on all the good times rather than the sad. Have you joined the Ralph Site Pet Loss Support Group on Facebook? It is another good place to share your feelings with people who will support you. xx |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1012 - by eviemay >> Fri Sep 30th, 2016 11:25 am thank you Michelle and kiz for your reply's it is helping so much to know i have support from such lovely people.
yes she loved going out and i wanted her to be happy never in a million years did i think this would happen. I am very sorry to you both on your losses of your beloved pets. it is very heart-breaking but hopefully will get better in time. |
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Posted by: Penny Hudson |
Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm
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#1013 - by Penny Hudson >> Fri Sep 30th, 2016 08:49 pm Hi Debbie, you asked how long it took to feel a bit better; after coming on to the Ralph Site I started to share my feelings with others which helped; our precious furry babies are so much part of the family and they leave such a gap. I felt I couldn't go through it again and had made my mind up I wouldn't have another cat, However last year we decided we would become fosterers for the local Cats Protection League and a little 10 month old pregnant kitten arrived to stay; bless her; no name and no background, other than it was thought she had already had one litter of kittens. We named her April, the month in which she arrived to us; she had four kittens and to cut a long story short we have adopted her and she has settled in very well. She has brought a lot of love which I am sure has been sent to us through Toffee. Time does bring healing Debbie and you will find some days easier than others; take a day at a time; its so nice to have photos around. Toffee is buried in the garden, under the seat she loved to sit on. Always here for you Debbie; take care and as I said your precious Evie will always be around you and forever in your heart. Love Penny xx |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1014 - by eviemay >> Fri Sep 30th, 2016 09:36 pm hi penny thank you for your kind words it does really help to tell people how i feel .i think its part of the healing process .
how did toffee pass away penny was it natural causes the way evie passed i just cant seem to
get over it its awful keeps going through my mind did she suffer was i feel so bad for her a that i wasn't there to protect her. We have another cat tilly who is 2 years old she's my daughters cat she is at uni so we looking after her not sure if she will be taking her when se leaves. to move in with boyfriend when she finishes uni .so worried about her vet said to still let her out as she's used to it im scared to i have limited her time outside get her in about 2 i could never get another cat or other pet after this i just cant go through any more heartache. we really looked after her we really did i have done nothing but worry about her since we had her that's why we didn't get cat flap and get her in before dark to be more careful .we had pet insurance i saved money in bank in case she needed vets then that happened so not fair that's lovely you have another kitten to love penny. did you let toffee out or was she a indoor cat many thanks for replying penny sorry i have gone on a bit just so upset it will take time .love debbie |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1015 - by eviemay >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 12:09 am thank you everyone for your support. today has been terrible what's wrong with me i am not getting better i cant seem to cope very well .its the way she died i cant get it out of my head .if she died natural causes i think i could cope better than the way she did die. is there anyone else on here who has lost a cat this way i need to know how they coped .thank you debbie xx |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1016 - by Kiz >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 09:58 am Dear Debbie, I'm so sorry I cannot offer any words to make you feel better. It is very early days for you - Evie has been gone just a few weeks. You have lost a much loved member of your family and it could take many more weeks and months to work through your grief. It is not fair that she died in such a sad way and there is no reason to it. You did all you could to protect her and care for her. I know some cats can live indoors if provided for correctly. Although I live near a road, and that danger was always at the back of my mind, my cat would never have been truly content confined to the house. She loved being outside and became distressed if kept in for any length of time. There are a lot of people on the Facebook group who have lost pets in car accidents and I'm sure they could share their experiences with you. If you are not on Facebook, or do not feel able to post there, I would be happy to ask the question on your behalf and forward the comments to you. The Blue Cross and Cats Protection support lines could also help. Take care of yourself Debbie, and keep posting here as much as you like. xx |
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Posted by: Penny Hudson |
Posts: 155 - Joined: Tue Mar 13th, 2012 03:35 pm
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#1017 - by Penny Hudson >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 01:02 pm Dear Debbie; I am sorry to hear of the pain your are going through, and I remember feeling the same; it will get better but it is early days and as time goes on you will begin to feel better. Toffee was diagnosed with cancer and we had her home for a few weeks until she had to be put to sleep. A difficult and sad time, which I try to put to the back of my mind now and remember the lovely years we had with her; she was loved by everyone; such a friendly and loving little girl. I felt the same as you; never felt I could have another one, and now we have little April, who was homeless and deserved the love we can give her. The Cats Protection League stipulated she became an indoor cat as we are near some busy roads; she seems very happy and has never attempted to get out; seems very happy indoors. Always here for you Debbie ; talking to others who have experienced what you are going through does help. Love, Penny xxxx
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1018 - by eviemay >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 04:29 pm dear kiz and penny your kind words mean so much to me thankyou .wen it fist happened i thought how am i going to go on with the rest of my life without her. today i thought with the pictures her toys her bowls she will always be with me she is in heaven with my family looking after her and playing with other pets that are in heaven.she was so special and had a loving nature everyone loved her she was a gift from god to us if only for a sort time .i thought i had her for so much longer but longer wasn't long enough. kiz i am not on facebook if you could ask other people who going through the same thing i am would be good of you thankyou .hope you both are ok love debbiexx |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1019 - by eviemay >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 04:31 pm and the memories of her i meant to say |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1020 - by Kiz >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 06:58 pm Debbie, I have asked the Facebook group and I will start sending the replies as separate messages. |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1021 - by Kiz >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 06:59 pm From Michelle: Firstly, please tell Debbie that she is not alone - with the situation, and her feelings afterwards. The Blue Cross has a wonderful and confidential service, to help support anyone who has lost a companion animal - past, present, or an impending loss. I worked with them for a number of years, and many people found that the emotional support they received, helped them to get through the worst times. https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1022 - by Kiz >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 07:03 pm From Carrie: I lost two cats to rta's I know how the guilt eats at you, but it's the minds way of trying to make sense in a way of what hapoened. We play out the scenarios of what could have happened hoping it will change the outcome. Guilt is a normal reaction to such a tragic loss. There are so many I onlys and it doesn't make it easier. It was a tragic accident and sometimes even with the best will in the world we can't always keep our cats in. I agree that the blue cross helpline would be good as they are free. This was a tragic accident and once we accept that there wS nothing we could have done to change the outcome we can try to work through the other stages of grief. I beat myself up so badly about B.A, I was a veterinary care assistant and didn't think he would venture onto the main road. I was wrong, and he paid the price but he was also a cat that would never have been happy being a house cat. Deepest sympathy I know this isn't easy. |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1023 - by Kiz >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 07:04 pm From Dianne: My heart goes out to her....but cats are very independent. ...possibly part of the reason we love them...It really was not Debbie's fault at all....I just hope time allows her to realise this ...sometimes it really is better to remember things as they were...rather than upset yourself by going to the vets...when nothing can be done... |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1024 - by Kiz >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 07:05 pm From Sharon: I've lost two fur babies to RTAs around 18 months apart. Maisie, she was taken December 2012 and I held her as she passed, Fizz was taken July 2014 and he passed alone, although we have him buried in the garden, Maisie too. Guilt is a strong word and I'm not saying I don't feel guilty because I still do, however, I know that both Maisie and Fizz had full, happy and active lives as they had the freedom to come and go as they pleased and they wanted for nothing. They played in the rain, chased butterflies and leaves, spent long afternoons lying in the sun and loved to pounce on Benjy, Maisie's brother and after she passed, Fizz's older brother. We still have Benjy who is now 5 and Molly who is 2, both of which have their freedom and can come and go as they want, even though I panic if they're out for too long. Some people think cats should be kept in, some don't, there's arguments for and against on both sides, I believe in letting them do as they please and not keeping them locked in even though I've been criticised for it in the past. Debbie shouldn't feel guilty in any way at all, it wasn't her fault, just a tragic accident and she should take comfort knowing that Evie lived a full life, just as a cat should. As to whether to let Tilly out, it's down to personal choice and how Debbie feels about it. Debbie, try not to feel guilty, you really have nothing to feel guilty about. |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1025 - by eviemay >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 08:53 pm kiz thank you so much for asking the Facebook group thier replies have been so helpful to me i felt very sad reading what these lovely ladies have been through too . i realise i need to be kinder to myself at least i know she had a good life and loved very much . evie would not of been the same cat if i kept her indoors i think she would of become depressed and stressed .i spoke with my mum today she phoned me see if I'm ok because last night i told her i couldn't cope with what happened we had a long talk she told me not to get depressed try and get out of it and remember her the way she was and there was nothing could of done .with tilly i let her out but not as much she only been out once today she not as bothered going out as much as evie was so hopefully we can keep her in more, thankyou again kiz so very kind of you to do this for me love debbie xxx |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1026 - by eviemay >> Sat Oct 1st, 2016 08:57 pm kiz can you say thank you very much to the ladies for me please, say their replies made me feel much better and i am thinking of them for thier losses thankyou xxx |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1027 - by Kiz >> Sun Oct 2nd, 2016 07:53 am Debbie, I am glad that these messages are helping a little. I will send on your thanks to everyone. There are a few more messages to come. xx |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1028 - by Kiz >> Sun Oct 2nd, 2016 07:53 am From: Natalia. I tragically lost two less then 5 months a part. I found a local medium who people highly recommended on FB. I just needed a conformation they both ok and back at my side. That helped tremendously. I too dealing with guilt and wishing I never let them out. I still have Berry White who goes outside and I worry if I don't see him for sometime. I have a new baby kitten which I deal with guilt for other reason now, thinking how he is not ever going to run on green grass, chase birds and leafs, or lay on a sun. But we got to remember they love us always no matter what. They don't hold us accountable for our mistakes in life or in spirit. |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1029 - by Kiz >> Sun Oct 2nd, 2016 07:56 am From Rachel: I personally feel better knowing my cats are free to roam in and outside through the cat door. That said I am always worried if they skip a meal time. Don't feel guilty Debbie for not getting your cat in that night, she was doing what she wanted to do and by the sounds of it went very quickly and didn't suffer too much. Guilt however is a very normal grief response. I had our cat daisy put to sleep in July after a week's fever, altered mental state and not eating and drinking, despite several antibiotics and tests. We spent over £1000 but felt she had been through enough. Of course sometimes we feel guilty and wonder if we could have done more. In my experience of having over a dozen cats in my lifetime, the two that have been knocked down by cars chose to not go into the various fields and gardens surrounding our houses but wander to the further away roads. It really is sods law. I think the decision re Tilly has to be Debbie's daughters after an assessment of the road and the house situation. Is the cat going to be miserable in doors though. Take it a day at a time with your grief. It does get easier. |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1030 - by Kiz >> Sun Oct 2nd, 2016 07:58 am From Lynne: I felt guilty for a long time and still occasionally do I live on a very quiet street and my 16 year old cat loved to go outside. it was raining but he still wanted to go out and sadly he was knocked by a car just outside my house 2 minutes after I let him out. I heard the bang, the car didnt stop and for a long time I felt guilty that at 16 years of age I had not kept him safe. I cradled him after he had passed and it was very very sad. You never really get over it but the sadness does lessen in time. I have two new fur babies now but it was nearly a year before I could replace Murphy. |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1031 - by eviemay >> Sun Oct 2nd, 2016 08:01 pm kiz thank you so much for forwarding the messages on to me .Natalia said se contacted a medium on Facebook who was good. kiz could you ask her for me please what the medium said and what the name was of medium.did she give the cats name and did she say their spirit is with her i was thinking of contacting a medium but wasn't sure what one as some are fake. Thank all the ladies for me for their comments please has helped me. |
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Posted by: Michelle Ball |
Posts: 66 - Joined:
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#1033 - by Michelle Ball >> Mon Oct 3rd, 2016 03:15 pm Hi Debbie
I've just been reading all the messages on here and my heart goes out to you because I know - as do all the lovely people on here- exactly what you are going through.
I would very strongly recommend you have pet bereavement counselling from the fantastic Blue Cross. I had counselling via email as I was just too upset to talk. The counsellor I had really helped me. I promise you the guilt and pain does start to lift in time. I found I would have extremely dark days, then a better day, until I found I was having more better days than terrible ones.....but it took me months and months. What I found I'd that you cannot put a time limit on grief - just try and go with it and allow yourself time. I still have down days when I think of my beloved Big Fella, and I cry my eyes out.
Don't look ahead. Just go with the flow of grief. I promise you in time things will gradually start to improve.
We are all here for you
Lots of love
Michelle xxx |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1034 - by Kiz >> Mon Oct 3rd, 2016 07:39 pm Hello Debbie, How are you? I have thanked everyone on your behalf and I've asked Natalia your questions. I'll forward any more replies on to you. xx |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1035 - by eviemay >> Mon Oct 3rd, 2016 08:19 pm hi michelle@kiz thank you for your replies. Michelle i did contact the blue cross when it first happened i actually spoke with a lovely lad crying most of time on phone she did help me. but i think what you say i do need the bereavement counselling i will do online thank you for that information. your right you cant put a time limit on grief it comes in waves one minute i feel ok then the next I'm crying today i felt angry about it that shes been taken from me when i know how much i loved and cared for her how is it so unfair she had a loving home .sorry to hear about your big fella how long has he been gone .kiz thank you for the help you have given me much appreciated how are you.thankyoushailen very much to for the poems they made me cry but very lovely. |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1037 - by eviemay >> Mon Oct 3rd, 2016 08:21 pm mean spoke with a lovely lady |
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Posted by: Michelle Ball |
Posts: 66 - Joined:
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#1039 - by Michelle Ball >> Mon Oct 3rd, 2016 08:38 pm Hi Debbie
I had Big Fella put to sleep January 2015. Like you, I was completely heartbroken...in fact, I found the thought of life so unbearable without him I am not ashamed to say I felt suicidal for a while.
I suffer with mental health issues, and Big Fella was always there for me, comforting me in very troubling times. And although I love my other cats dearly, we had a very special bond.
The way I learnt to deal with all the guilt and pain was to allow it to wash over me and accept it. I remember thinking it would never ever leave me, but time truly is a healer, and I promise you you will start to work through your grief.
What I also learnt is that there are a number of stages to the grieving process, and we all take our own time working through them. Sometimes I felt I was moving on. Then I'd crash again....I had to learn that grieving needs to be 'allowed' to happen, however painful it is.
Arrange to see a trained pet bereavement counsellor in the meantime...and stay in touch as we are all here for you
Lots of love
Michelle |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1040 - by eviemay >> Mon Oct 3rd, 2016 09:15 pm hi michelle i am so sorry for what you too have been through it is heart-breaking i suffer with depression and anxiety and evie helped me she knew when i was upset, when it happened i wished it was me not her she had many more years left so i understand what you are saying about being suicidal. i never told my family this they totally wouldn't understand as some of them think she's just a cat. i often say to them she's not just a cat but one of the family i feel i have lost a family member my fur baby. I'm am so pleased i have found this site i can say how i really feel and you all understand me which is lovely thank you all so much .michelle we will never forget them they are always in our hearts forever it will just get easier i hope lots of love debbie xxx |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1042 - by Kiz >> Tue Oct 4th, 2016 07:30 pm Hello Debbie, Natalia (who lives in Canada I think) has replied to your question. Her answer is below. Do let us know if you decide to go ahead. I have no experience here but I have thought it - that desire to know that they are OK is so strong isn't it? xx
From Natalia: The one I went to is a local one, she works with energy of a person sitting in front of her. I prepared a list of Qs I asked her and what I was going to tell my babies. Going long distance I would recommend this one. http://www.gurneyinstitute.com/con_assoc.html. They do reading by picture via telephone or skype I believe. The cost is reasonable as I payed more locally. Let me know how it goes for Debbie, hope she find it helpful. I read Carol Gurney book "The Language of Animals" She describes multiple stories from her experience, they really are always with us not just in our minds and hearts. The lady I went to she immediately told me my Berry Brown was on my left and Ben on my right. She described there personalities perfectly. Then they started talking and telling her things what she could not know. It was like she tuned in to the radio station.
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1045 - by eviemay >> Tue Oct 4th, 2016 09:09 pm hi kiz can you thank Natalia for me please .i am not sure what i am going to do yet . i think if i see one i would like a one to one reading' bit worried she wont come through then i feel worse than i do now would you see one kiz love debbie xx |
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Posted by: Michelle Ball |
Posts: 66 - Joined:
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#1046 - by Michelle Ball >> Wed Oct 5th, 2016 12:01 am Hi Debbie
How have you been today?
Thinking of you.....
Yes, our pussycats live on in our hearts.
Love
Michelle xx |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1047 - by eviemay >> Wed Oct 5th, 2016 12:39 am hi michelle still feeling very sad today .i dont think i will ever forget how she died i know the pain will get easier with time but forgetting i know i wont .i know people keep saying its not my fault but i still keep thinking if only i shut that dam window been more careful .i miss her michelle she was everything to me my life i just got to accept it haven't i what else can i do. how are you hope your ok love debbie xx |
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Posted by: Michelle Ball |
Posts: 66 - Joined:
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#1048 - by Michelle Ball >> Wed Oct 5th, 2016 01:16 am Hi Debbie, I really wish I could take away some of your pain. I remember with Big Fella I had the most horrendous guilt because I thought I had him put to sleep to soon. It didn't matter what anyone said my inner voice just kept telling me how awful and terrible I was, and how I could have helped Big Fella more. The guilt was unbearable..I just kept getting so angry with myself and feeling I was such a bad person.
I know you feel to blame for your beloved girl's passing, but you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. My 2 boys are indoor cats but they often manage to squeeze through gaps in the window, or somehow out the front door without me realising.
I know the way Evie died is playing on your mind, but she would not have known anything about it - it would have been instant.
As awful as everything feels now, and all the horrible thoughts going round and round in your head, you are going through the natural stages of grief. What you are going through is perfectly 'normal' so please be gentle on yourself.
Remember to keep in contact, you're not alone xxxx
Michelle |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1051 - by eviemay >> Wed Oct 5th, 2016 07:02 pm hi michelle sorry what you was going through with big fella how you felt is exactly the same how i was feeling. I keep thinking even if she did get out that shouldn't of happened i never thought that would happen. I still feel very upset and miss her tilly is helping me a bit she's very loving did your other cats help you with your grief , if you need to talk i am here for you too michelle love debbiexxx |
| d patrick |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1052 - by Kiz >> Wed Oct 5th, 2016 09:17 pm Hi Debbie, I have thanked Natalia on your behalf. I have not considered this route myself. I think you were going to contact one of the support services? Perhaps that is a good place to start. Our experiences are very different but I've been trying to remember how I felt at 5 weeks. I think I was still in shock then. Now, at nearly 5 months, it has become reality. I miss her all the time but instead of allowing myself to focus on those last few hours/days and what I could have done differently, I try very hard to concentrate on all the happy times before that. Sometimes this works. It's a long road. Take your time, xx
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Posted by: Michelle Ball |
Posts: 66 - Joined:
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#1053 - by Michelle Ball >> Wed Oct 5th, 2016 09:33 pm Hi Debbie,
I'm pleased to hear Tilly is helping you with your grief. Having my other cats around definitely helped although I think we all feel alone in our grieving. Another thing I have learnt is that everyone grieves at different rates. I know it took me 6 months before I felt a significant shift in how I was feeling.
Thank-you for your offer of support too, it's lovely knowing there are like minded people out there.
Remember grief cannot be rushed so be gentle on yourself
Keep in touch
Michelle xxx |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1054 - by eviemay >> Wed Oct 5th, 2016 10:39 pm thank you michelle and kiz for your replies. I have decided i am not going to see the medium i am not sure so best not to go i think. With this grief i have to take it one day at a time as you say it cant be rushed .i haven't really accepted it yet
I'm angry its happened i have been cheated of her sorry to go on just need to get it out . my husband and i are going on holiday in 2 wks time for 2 wks had this booked since January was really looking forward to it then this happens .we havnt had a break for 3 years so maybe this will do us good to get away have a break. I didn't like going away much because of the worry of the cats being left .love debbie xxx
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1084 - by eviemay >> Mon Nov 21st, 2016 09:00 pm hi everyone hope you are all ok. Shailen has very kindly put evies memorial on this site.I said to Shailen my husband and i
Have come back from holiday we had a lovely time but not a day went by that i didn't think of Evie and had sad feeling about her. yes i can say i feel a bit better and have accepted what happened i have had to i have no choice, but i know in my heart that everyday she is with me and i will never forget her, we have put photos up around the house and we have had a lovely canvas photo done i have photos on my phone too ,having these photos makes me feel better to know i think of her everyday .you all take care love debbie xxx |
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Posted by: Kiz |
Posts: 28 - Joined: Sun Jul 3rd, 2016 11:20 am
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#1085 - by Kiz >> Thu Nov 24th, 2016 08:06 pm Hi Debbie, I was thinking about you recently and wondering how you are. It is good to hear you are feeling just a little bit better as time goes on. I saw Evie's memorial on the site and your lovely words for her. It is so very sad to lose such a special cat, but you will remember her and in that way she will be with you still. This will be the first winter without my own cat and the house is so quiet and empty without her. Take care of yourself, xx. |
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Posted by: eviemay |
Posts: 27 - Joined: Thu Sep 29th, 2016 02:44 pm
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#1086 - by eviemay >> Thu Nov 24th, 2016 08:46 pm hi kiz thankyou for your lovely words how have you been .i still have a cry i feel the same as you, first winter without them and does feel empty and not the same . i miss her very much the same as you probably do also for your cat. when she passed i had a dream she was in heaven i saw butterflies birds greenest grass bluest sky and evie sitting on a hill looking peaceful then i woke up i will always remember this dream i l believe that this is a sign to me from her was wondering if anyone else has had a dream like this when their pet passed over .thankyou kiz for you support i am very grateful you have been much help to me since what happened and others on this site, i was lucky to have found it i was in a very bad place when it happened but thankfully feeling that bit better .you take care love debbie xxx |
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