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Hi everyone, I'm new to this site.
Our black Lab girl was put to sleep in March this year at the age of 12. She was our first dog and we had her from a pup at 7 weeks. She was gentle, loyal and the sweetest girl. It all happened so quickly, she was off her food and generally not right. We thought it was the worming tablets we had given her having a funny affect on her so took her to the vets. Scans revealed she wasn't well at all, shadows on her lungs and liver, they believe she had a cancerous tumour on her spleen and fluid was building up around her heart again (it happened last year and we nearly lost her). They said her prognosis wasn't good so we made the decision there and then to have her put to sleep. My heart broke into a million pieces cuddling her while the vet did it. I cried so hard I couldn't even focus on anyone in the room, I was disorientated and heartbroken. I was sick when we got home.
My furry girl was my best friend, she saw us through some hard times, we had 7 miscarriages before we had our daughter (now 5 years old) and she was there to comfort me through a really sad chapter in my life. I'm struggling without her, I cry every day and miss my snuggles with her so so much. Our daughter misses her terribly, she draws pictures of her all the time and anything dig related is always black because she was black. My husband misses her too but is much more practical about it, he used to love his walks with her every day after work.
I spent the most time with her because I was at home - she would wait by the door for me when I went out and I would hear her tail thumping. We were buddies, she was my comfort. I'll never be the same without her because a little piece of me went with her that day.
I know my husband and daughter would love another dog and in time I probably would too but I'm scared of feeling this terrible grief all over again and not loving another dog the way I loved Willow. I just feel lost without her. Like my family is broken. I need some support from people who understand.
Thank you for reading this.

Hi Keely, so sorry to hear of the sadness you have been through, and I do understand your feelings. Your precious Willow was a wonderful friend and part of your family. Our precious pets leave such a huge gap in our lives and it is so hard to carry on without them. I lost my dear cat Toffee nearly 5 years ago and after 3 years we decided to foster for the CPL. I felt I could not go through the grief again and I would never feel again the love I felt for Toffee. We fostered a little 10 month old pregnant kitten; she had 4 kittens and after a short time they were all transferred to another fosterer as my husband was going into hospital. We had decided that we would adopt April (we named her after the month she came to us ). She gives us so much joy and love, and I really do feel that Toffee felt the time was right for us to have another little one; she was a stray , with no name and needed to be loved. Take your time Keely and you will feel when you are ready; it took us a long time, but April has gained a loving family and we have gained a loving little cat who has such a sweet and loving personality Take care of yourself; always here for you; take care x Penny x

Hi Keely,
I know the terrible time you are going through - my precious cat Jasmine was put to sleep in May.
Pinned to the kitchen door I have a page title "Mindful Grieving." Every time I think I can't cope with any more pain I read this and it does help. I've put a little bit of it here for you...I've just inserted "your dog" as I didn't know her name.
"... Just focus on your breath and allow whatever is happening to happen. Probably what is happening with you right now is mostly a feeling of deep sadness and lots of tears. There is freedom in this . Your dog has left you and is at peace. you're sad. it IS sad. And so allow yourself to feel sad and cry.
You need to show yourself compassion and allow yourself to feel and to be with things as they are. Looking ahead will be too overwhelming and too daunting. Even taking things one day at a time will be hard for you during this difficult period. And so be as mindful as you can be, just taking things one MOMENT at a time. Even though this time is painful and sad and so awful, not every MOMENT is full of those things. With compassion you will be able to accept them as they are, and you won't be frightened nor will you resist the sadness and pain. Don't push these feelings away, or worry about them or even try to sort them out. Let them be as they are. Make time for them - they will not last for ever as all things come and go."
Don't forget there's always people here who know exactly what you're going through.
xSuex

So very sorry for the loss of Willow, and that it happened so suddenly. That must have been a devastating shock. She sounds like a wonderful friend, who's been an integral part of your lives for 12 years and you are all grieving for her in your different ways. I don't think life will ever be the same after such a loss, but it does go on. It's early days for me too, and I have a very different outlook on life now. Although the intense grief has gradually passed I feel a constant sadness that I'm not sure will ever leave. The tears come every day.

I found this site in June, shortly after losing my feline best friend, and there are people here who really understand what you're feeling. Have you also joined the Facebook closed group? I've found this Forum is not as active as the FB group. Just reading the posts and comments there can help I find. If you posted your message there I'm sure you'd get a great deal of support from people who've been through losses and gone on to adopt another. They say you will know when the time is right and that you will love them in their own right. You could also post pictures of Willow there and share her story. It would be nice to see her. Do take care of yourself, Willow would want you all to be well and happy, xx.

Gosh ladies thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I read every word you all wrote and found it very comforting. I really felt you all understood.
Honestly, my grief is easier then it was 6 months ago, of course time does heal but I feel the loss of her every day and I guess that's never going to go away.
I have also joined the FB group - I must post a photo of my gorgeous, precious girl in there.
Thank you all again from the bottom of my sad heart.
Keely xxx