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....Well...it's new year's day...but all I feel is deep sadness and loss, and so heavy-hearted.....I'm so weary, but must muster the courage to go and bury my little budgie Ozzy....
Ozzy was flying around the sitting room, just 2 days ago, and I never suspected anything was wrong. He seemed to be as perky and funny as usual !
Yesterday morning, I hung a piece of leafy lettuce in the cage, for him and his 2 cage mates, Beaky and Ling. When I think about it now, he just sat on his perch, and didn't hop over to grab at it immediately, the way he usually would. My son and I went out for the day, and didn't get back until almost 7pm. We were feeding all the pets soon after, when I noticed Ozzy drop off his perch onto the floor of his cage. He was tweeting quite agitatedly, and his breathing seemed very laboured. I picked him up, and it was then that I noticed the lump between his feet, and caking all round his back passage....
I know enough about budgies to realise that he was critically ill, and rang our local vet emergency hospital. The vet nurse I spoke to agreed with me, that it was probably a tumour, and to bring him in immediately. I just couldn't believe how quickly he deteriorated, and obviously, he must have had this growing, but I missed it !! I feel so very awful that I didn't notice it, but when he was flying around happily 2 days ago, I cannot remember seeing a lump, and his poo was ok.....
I rushed over to the vet hospital, but as I lifted Ozzy out of the car, he heaved a last sigh, and his little eyes closed, and I knew I was too late...The vets were so compassionate....but I still feel so bad, even though they assured me that budgies hide their illnesses very well....The vet told me that it seems that Ozzy developed an internal cancerous tumour, which rapidly attached to his internal organs, blocking off his digestive tract....Poor little bird must have been in agony, but like I say, he seemed ok 2 days ago.....I am gutted he's gone, but glad he's free to fly now, free of his pain.....My other 2 budgies are dead quiet this morning.....So is Groucho, our cockatiel....even the piggies are not wheeking....They all seem to know......They are so caring in their precious way......
I just can't believe I lost 4 pets in 2011.....so symbolic of all the other awful losses and heartache in our family during the year.....
I'm glad that I can just vent my pain and grief here.....many of my friends and colleagues will just say..."not AGAIN ! It's only a bird...only an animal...."....they simply don't understand......These are precious friends that I have lost !!

That's really tough Irene, so sorry. RIP Ozzy. I know it is easier said than done but you really must try not to blame yourself re Ozzy - if I can tell anything from the last few months it is that you very much love and look after your pets. 2011 has been a real year to test the 'better to have loved and lost' conviction hasn't it. Very much hope 2012 is less traumatic for you x

Thanks for your kind words, Shailen.... You can see a picture of Ozzy, with his friend, Ling....I posted a little memorial to him here...