Forums

Hi everyone,
I am so bereft. On Sunday, my gorgeous cat Nimbus was hit by a car and died. He was only 18 months old and the most loving, giving and beautiful cat I have ever known. 3 months ago our beloved rescue dog Maisie had to be put to sleep after 10 yrs with us. I was absolutely heart broken by losing Maisie but I did have the slight comfort of knowing that she had a fantastic life with us for a decade. Those ten years were full of wonderful moments which I can now call upon when I am feeling sad about her. Nimbus was so young, he had barely started his life. He was blossoming into the most amazing friend. He walked around with a ridiculous grin on his face, he was so cosseted and loved by everybody. There was just something about him that made people want to cuddle and touch him. And he never got sick of it. He was a great source of healing when Maisie died. Now he is gone too. His poor brother lives with us and is wandering round looking and calling for him. I just don't know how to cope with the overwhelming grief, it almost makes me feel mad and like giving up on life. It's so hard. And none of my friends understand. a few family members are as animal mad as me, but I can't handle speaking on the phone at the moment, I just end up crying. And on top of all this, I am fostering 2 children who are very damaged. They have no feelings for animals at all and no empathy for me. I know why, but they make daily comments about Nimbus and how our other pets will be dying soon.
Sorry to ramble, just having a terrible morning. Thank goodness for places like this,
Jane

Hello Jane...I have just read your heartbreaking post above....Firstly, may your beautiful kitty Nimbus RIP always...I have lost many beloved pets, and it is SO hard...Each time, it is about losing yet another treasured friend....because, no matter how big or how small our pets are, they creep deep into our hearts and enrich our lives !
I can so identify with some of the pain you are in....In April this year, we said goodbye to Dale, a beloved 5yr old guinea pig.....Then just about 5wks ago, my beloved piggy, Buzzby, died on my lap....maybe reading the story, and seeing the last pics of him and my other piggy, Charlie, will warm your heart....The story is on the site....I am still so heartbroken, but its good to know that folk here care and understand...
On my way to a karate class some months ago, I was travelling down a very busy road, when I witnessed a cat being hit by a car on the other side of the road...By the time i'd got through the traffic and turned back along the road, 2 other cars had hit the cat too...A young girl had stopped too, and we quickly moved the injured kitty onto the footpath...I am a nurse, ( not a vet nurse ! ) but i could see that this kitty was not going to make it....We sat together, this girl and I, stroking and talking to this beautiful animal, for about 5 mins, until he passed gently with his head in my hands...It was SO sad, and yet the help of that young girl, and an attendant at a nearby garage who came over with a little box for the body, will never be forgotten....So many cats get run over, nobody sees or cares, and nobody tries to help...and many loving owners never know what became of a missing pet. We spent some time that night, knocking on doors, and walking through the nearby street asking if anyone knew whose cat it was. He had a collar on, but it had been partially damaged, and if he did have an ID disc, it had fallen off...
Jane...I do hope that Nimbus' brother will be ok....You and him need each other now....Cuddle together as often as you can....My tabby, Kerry ( aged 12 ) trully understands my sadness....To make it harder for me, I lost my 2 piggies, and am going through a very traumatic divorce...I would never just tell stories like this on a public forum, but I really want you to know that you are NOT alone in your grief and difficulties.....Kerry sits with every evening, with my 2 remaining piggies on my lap, and its as if we share the grief and heartache....even though we don't speak the same language, in another way we do...the language of love !!
Sorry, I've been so long-winded, but my heart goes out to you....You will be in my thoughts and prayers...
Irene. xx

Hello Irene,
Thank you so much for the lovely message. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. It just seems unbearable at the moment, I can't see a way to get through. I feel so robbed because Nim was so young. I know I was lucky to know what had happened to him - I found him on the road and it can't have been long after he was hit. His head was the only damaged part, but of course a car and a cat's head = very little chance of recovery. He was still alive when I found him, but unresponsive, so I hope he didn't feel any pain. I just can't quite believe how much this hurts, it's frightening and exhausting and horrible. Part of me just wants to go to sleep for ever and never feel this again, ever. However, I know NImbus would not want me to give up, he would think I was crazy, I'm sure to even say such a thing. Just missing my gorgeous boy so much. Thank you for choosing to send me your message, it means so much.
Jane x

Jane,

Everyone on this site understands everything you are going through. I knew it would be hard to lose Bess after 14 years, but it was so much harder. I still don't want to type about losing her as I would end up a sobbing mess!!! Nothing I can say will help you very much but please try and take comfort from all the caring, like minded people on this site. we are all with you. Somebody said to me that when you think you feel something brush against you or catch a glimpse out of the corner of your eye, it is not in your imagination, it is your beloved friend telling you they are still there and are waiting ar rainbow bridge.

I am thinking of you. Alison

Thank you Alison,
Your message means a lot. It is so hard, i do wonder why we do this to ourselves sometimes. I wouldn't want to miss out on all the love, fun and warmth that these wonderful animals bring, but I would love to miss out on this pain. Losing two pets so close together... just feel so empty without them.
I am so sorry about Bess, and send you my thoughts too,
Jane

Hi Jane,

Some further thoughtful words from the site's Facebook page:

Dear Jane, my heart goes out to you. I felt just the same after losing Pippa, my cocker spaniel, then Smartie, my beautiful 4yr old whom I had from 4wks old got run over aged 4. I felt bereft, but time does help I can assure you. Please don't give up. There could be, in time, another furry friend who needs a loving owner like you, and a friend for Nimbus's brother. With love xxx (Sylvia)

Dear Jane, we lost our beloved Jaffa Cake (cat) at almost 2 . He had a brain tumour . We were totally and utterly devastated and still grieving 2day after 12 months . We found that it helped to put pictures up of him around the house . My stepson bought me a kitten a few weeks after we lost him and we called him Oleo. He will never replace Jaffa Cake but he brings us so much happiness and joy :) he`s such a little character. I`m sure you will draw great comfort from this sight as we did . It`s a wonderful site and I thank Shailen from the bottom of my heart for setting it up. Big hugs to you . xx (Gillian)

Hi I can certainly relate to you, my first Tibby had to be put down after shock of being attacked by dog. His kidneys failed, so there was nothing the vet could do. Even thought I had two more younger ones it took me quite a while to accept it cos we had him 9 yrs. Thoughts are with you. x (Claire)

Hi again Jane.....I'm so glad you have been comforted a little by everyone here...yes, Nimbus would certainly want you to carry on, and not give up....It's SO hard, I know....When you're ready, maybe you could put a picture and little memorial to him on here....He waits for you, and is watching over you from rainbow bridge.....
Please keep talking to everyone as much as you want, and need to. We really care !! Actually, you won't believe this, but reaching out to you today, has helped me with my own grief....We do share....we understand....
With warmest thoughts...
Irene..xxx

Hello everyone,
Thank you for all your lovely comments and messages. Having another hard day, but I suppose it's to be expected. Can't bear the waking up - no Maisie with a gentle hand lick, no Nimbus with a gentle paw tapping my face. Feel so empty and just sad sad sad. My problem today is flashbacks - I just keep seeing Nimbus on the road where I found him. He was hit on the head so I don't think he was aware of anything by the time I got to him. all I could do was hold him on the way to the vet, talk to him and try to reassure him, but I think he as already gone. Now every place he used to sleep just screams at me that he is not there any more. Can't accept I will never see him again. Just hope this gets better soon.
Thanks everyone,
Jane x

Hi Jane,

I know we are all different to an extent, but for so many people it does get better so you must do your best to hang in there. Ralph who inspired this website was also hit by a car on a road near my home. Someone had put him on the side of the road and like Nimbus he also had trauma to the head. I am a vet who specialises in Emergency and Critical Care and can tell you that when a cat suffers enough head trauma - just like people and dogs and other animals - they will no longer be aware of any pain or distress. I was able to take some comfort from the fact that I believe Ralph died outright and from your description, I also believe Nimbus would not have known any pain or distress. It is a sad reality of the modern world that so many cats get hit by cars but personally I still think it is right that they can go out and enjoy being cats and you should also try and take some comfort from knowing that he was having a good life. You sound like you have a lot on your plate with the foster children as well - clearly you are someone with a lot of love to give, good for you.

Please remember that there are people you can ring to speak to whenever you need to. We are here and on the Facebook page but sometimes speaking to someone helps too. There are some details here: http://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=21.

Thinking of you,

Shailen

Hello Jane - thinking of you....Was also thinking so much of Nimbus' brother...How is he doing ?? Try comforting each other....I know its very hard, but his little furry heart is grieving too, and maybe you can comfort each other....When my guinea pig, Buzzby, died a few weeks ago, his other 2 friends really grieved too....They are a wonderful source of comfort to me....
Take care, and remember many care....
Irene..xx

Shailen,
Thank you so much for your comforting message. I do believe he had already 'gone' in spirit when I found him, although he was still breathing. It helps to think he wasn't lying there aware and feeling alone. The trauma to his head was pretty bad I think. I was so pleased to read that you feel cats should be allowed an outdoor life, despite the risk from cars. Nimbus and his brother loved being outside, basking in the sunshine, chasing flies, smelling the smells etc. I have been feeling so guilty about the fact that maybe the location of our house means we shouldn't have cats. But, my parents live on a very quiet road and their cat was hit and killed several years ago so I guess it could happen anywhere.
Nimbus was my therapy cat, my solace when things were just too much to bear with the fostering. He was so perfect and pure and giving, the antidote to everything else we were hearing and experiencing in regard to the foster children. He was the little bright spark in the darkness, a thing of pure love and beauty. I hope things do get easier because at the moment they seem worse and worse. Thanks for your very kind words, they really touched me.
Irene - I worry for Nimbus' brother Tank. He is searching for him everywhere. he is off his food and just looks anxious, on high alert all the time. I have been giving him lots and lots of cuddles and trying to help him but he is so confused. Our other dog Buddy is also looking sad and spending lots of time at my feet.
Sad sad days.
Thank you for caring.
Jane

Irene - I just had a look at Buzzby's story and photo - beautiful. What a character. It is so hard when they are with us for such a short time.
Thank you again for your kind thoughts. Have had a horrible day but maybe tomorrow will be better.
Best wishes to you,
Jane x

Jane, it sounds like you are trying to do the right things for Tank and Buddy. Conventional wisdom is very much to pay them lots of attention, give them lots of fuss, let them eat some treats they may not ordinarily get but while also trying to maintain some sense of routine. Take care of them and take care of yourself and continue doing that until bit by bit it will start to feel better for you and them. It sounds simplistic to say but that is very much what it is about - one day at a time for you and the furry ones. It isn't something that can be rushed and it certainly isn't easy, just small positive baby steps and keep reaching out for support as and when you need to. Hope Sunday is a better day for you.

Shailen, thanks again. It is one week today, can't believe an entire 7 days have gone by since I found him, it seems like seconds. I hope today is a calmer day for me and for everyone else who is struggling. Thank you so much for setting up this site, it has really helped me.
Jane