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First of all I am so sorry about all your loss. I know how painful those time are.
Our beloved cat, Monty got ran over 7 weeks ago in front of our front door. He was Hit by our neighbour’s car. They said he didn’t seem to hear their car because it is electric. They were devastated and so are we. My family seems to have moved on but I really cannot accept it. I have already had help from a lovely charity “Blue cross” which has really helped me. I really feel guilty because I let him out 15 minutes before he had the accident. I never used to let him out in the afternoon but it had been raining in the morning so he hadn’t gone out yet. He looked at me and was crying in front of his cat flap so reluctantly I let him out. The though that he could still be here if I hadn’t is virtually stopping me from doing anything. I am really trying to move on for my family sake and request but I find it really hard especially I have this picture playing in my head of his lifeless body when I open my front door. So I was wondering if anyone had any ideas how I could change that.

Dear Flori,

I was so moved by your post and my heart goes out to you. My beloved Fidel was also run over and killed by a car, so I know exactly how you feel. It is completely natural that you should run through a whole host of different "what if" scenarios in your head, please do not be hard on yourself. I found keeping a journal in which I recorded each day how much I missed Fidel was a huge help, I also wrote that I knew he was still with me and that although in spirit only he would always be with me, that still helps me today. Try to focus on how Monty had the best possible life he could have had with you, all the joyous, precious times you shared and that love between an animal and human is so precious and such a gift that you both could share that. I found the pet loss poems on the Ralph site enormously helpful, Rainbow Bridge etc. For me, it means so much to know that Fidel is still with me in spirit, although that does not take the pain away, I have to be honest there, I wish I could give you a magic wand to take your pain away, but I am afraid the hard truth of life and death is we have to face it and the only way to do that, I find, is focus on the amazing unconditional love you shared and the joy and happiness, warmth, comfort and love you gave to Monty, that is what he knew and all he knew when he passed away. All my thoughts and love are with you. Nicola x

So sorry to hear about Fidel.
Thank you for your kind words and advice. It is so helpful.

I was wondering if anyone got another cat. Everyone is suggesting to get another cat but I really feel so guilty towards Monty.i feel I am betraying him. My family is suggesting this not as a replacement but just as another love in our life. Would you mind sharing if anyone had any experience with this
Thank you

Hi Flori, when Fidel was killed, I still had his sister Che, which was a massive comfort, I don't know what I would have done without it. I know it is slightly different, as you had the one cat. I do think however, from speaking to many others who have had one cat and then gone on to get other cats, that it is as you say, you are not replacing Monty but you simply want to share your love for an animal once again. I think our lives are too short not to give as much love as we can to animals and care for them as we should. For that we get gifts money cannot buy, unconditional love of our pets and boundless joy and comfort for us and them. I would encourage you to get another cat when you feel the time is right, you can tell your new cat all about Monty, still honour Monty and have his pictures everywhere etc. wishing you love and happiness Nicola x

Thank you very much for your help. I am so grateful.
Wishing you love and happiness as well
Flori

Sorry unfortunately I am having more hurdle to get through.
A week after Monty had the accident I talked to the neighbors who ran him over. I was in total shock but I tried to make them feel better by saying that it could have happened to everyone. I don’t know why but the gentlemen answered that it was still awful and he gave me very upsetting details that I won’t share here because I don’t want to upset anyone who had a similar experience. I felt that they thought that I didn’t care or maybe they were in shock themselves and were trying to make me feel better. But since I am now thinking that Monty suffered before going and I keep thinking about what they say. After the accident we took him to the emergency because I wanted to make sure it was nothing we could have done. The vet said they thought he passed straight away. But I still cannot take this thought out of my mind that he has suffered . It has happened just a few meters away from my front door so to just forget about it is very challenging. I was wondering if anyone had a similar situation and how they coped with this.

Dear Flori, so sorry to hear that, that is very hard to hear such details. Its a different scenario, but in terms of trauma generally, I have experience of a deep trauma for which I saw an EMDR therapist, its based on eye movement and the therapist takes you back to the trauma and through eye movement, the memory is not forgotten but the trauma is eased. I think try and always focus that Monty's last memory is of you and the love you gave him, that is all he knew, even through any suffering, but as the vet said, there may have been no suffering. The vet told me that Fidel would have passed straight away when he was killed by a car and told me he would not have suffered. I guess we will never know what actually happens, but all we can and should hold on to is the unconditional love we gave and which we received from our pets and which endure always beyond their passing. Wishing you peace and happiness and love, Nicola xx

Thank you so much, Nicola, for your comforting words. They are really helping.
Wishing you peace and happiness and love as well. X