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I have written my or rather Merlins story on the general forum not realising there was a specific one for grief.
It is now one month since that dreadful day when I had to have my beautiful Merlin euthaniased. I cannot say it has got any easier despite the passage of time. I still cannot go through out the day without crying. I get up in the morning crying,I go bed crying before I sleep. I have to be strong with myself to handle work-I tell myself I can grieve on my own time and to be strong as my little Merlin was throughout his various health issues. It does not always work. I am a private person in a small village where almost everyone has a dog. I find myself avoiding people as I cannot speak about my loss just yet. It is only ten months since I lost my other dog to a brain tumour and it took a few months to able to speak to people about her. The house is to quiet and to tidy-I would welcome dog hair and hubbub that goes with having dogs. Sadly I am not likely to have another dog due to landlords rules regarding older people and pets I am not even sure I would want another dog to come into Merlin and Lolas places. I really miss them

Hello Minelda
First of all, I want to say how sorry I am you have lost two beloved pets. I have just read your other post and I can really feel the emotion coming through with every word you write. Merlin was very lucky to have an owner like you, and what a wonderful dog he sounds!
Everytime I have lost a pet, I am absolutely grief stricken. It hits us so hard, it's a tsunami of emotions: intense sadness, guilt, loneliness, shock. Life can be very difficult indeed. I know that I felt very alone in my grief until I discovered this site, and speaking with a pet bereavement counsellor at The Blue Cross.
Like you Minelda, I was absolutely distraught when I lost my precious Big Fella; I really thought I'd never come to terms with his death. The first 6 months were very emotional, and I cried most days, especially at night. It's now been over 2 and a half years, and I still cry from time to time and I think of my gorgeous boy constantly.
The grieving process takes its time; everyone is different. Be patient with yourself and let it run its course. There are good days and bad ones, but you will most definitely come through this difficult time with happy, wonderful memories of Merlin.
Please contact The Blue Cross who offer free pet bereavement support either on the phone or by email. I found it really helped me, especially as I didn't really have anyone in my life who understood what I was going through.
Take care and remember to keep in touch
Michelle x

Dear Minelda, I send you my love and sympathy; and I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your dear Merlin. To lose two precious pets in such a short time is heartbreaking for you and I can understand the pain you are going through. It must be difficult as well living in a small village with so many dog walkers and I can understand that you do not feel ready to talk about your grief. It does help to talk to people who are in similar situations on the Ralph site; they understand and know exactly what you are experiencing. Sending you hugs; always here to talk. Your precious little dogs had a wonderful and much loved life with you and in time you will be able to look back at the wonderful times you shared. Take care, Penny x

Hello Penny and Michelle

Thankyou for your replies. I have now contacted the Blue Cross and await thier reply. I am trying to take it one day at a time-it is still a struggle. I have no issues regarding Merlins necessary euthanasia but at this point I cannot get used to having no point to my day. Everything I did either involved my dogs or their needs were considered before I did anything. In Merlins last year of life I left home only for work,dog walking or to go to a vet check, I would not visit family because Merlins life was short and I did not want to waste a minute of it. I have made a memorial garden for Merlin - some thing I can remember him near the flowers with their scents-I am awaiting some roses that have Merlin in their name. The garden is in Merlin and Lolas favourite place to lay in the sun. I intend to do another for Lola. I have also had some photos enlarged and made a collage - I have put it up so that I can Look at it often. I think I have to follow my heart a bit and take as much time as I need to try to put all this into perspective-perhaps then I can think of the future.