01/06/10 - 30/06/23
Human family: Carole Renard
Photo(s) of Darcy (2)

Darcy

My beautiful Boy. From believing that your rare lack of appetite was down to you needing a good dental, to dropping you off for the appointment looking forward to having you home tucking into your favourite food again. But unfortunately, the vet questioned your weight loss and asked to do X-Ray and scan whilst you were under for your teeth. Then they told me there was something in your abdomen - A thickening? A new vet and more bloods and another scan and a biopsie and the nasty result came back. A tumour on your spleen which had possibly spread. I couldn't afford the very expensive referal to a specialist for more in depth exams and tests and invasive surgery that still, even with the best doctor, wasn't a guarantee of saving you. I wish I had been a millionaire for you to have the very best at the very top. You were only 13 after all, still my baby. Within 3 weeks your appetite was even less despite having had your dental and having the best hollywood smile. You tried, you were hungry without a doubt. sometime you did manage to eat a little and I was so happy to see you take in some sustenance. but it faded more and more. You took to lying down in a corner in my bedroom, right next to your basket but more hidden and you barely moved from there. It broke my heart. On the 29th of June I went to work, knowing that you were slowly starving was killing me. I knew you were hungry, you still answered yes when I asked you if you were, as you always did. I tried tempting you with your favourite little cruncky treats, but you picked on up in your mouth and spat it back out. I didn't want you to suffer, dehydrate, get weak etc... the weekend was coming and as much as I wanted to keep you with me forever, keeping you as you were slowly starving, was not an option, the weekend would have been long, the vet had said they would need a couple of days notice to come out and help you to the bridge. I couldn't leave you to lie in your corner, hungry, thristy and possibly in pain until the following week. So I made the hardest call I have ever made, hoping the vet could come out to us the following afternoon. They could and I booked the appointment to help you over. I didn't want to. Deep down I kept hoping for a miracle. The nasty tumour could just disappear, you'd be well again and I could cancel....
The Friday came, I took the day off to be at home with you. The a friend came over for support. The appointment was for around 3pm. around 1:30 I went to fetch you from upstairs and kept you on my lap. You were never a cuddly cat and even now, you weren't keen on staying with me, but I made you stay. I felt bad, I was forcing you to stay downstairs, waiting for death. I couldn't stop looking out of the window and looking at the clock, my heart in a vice, dreading the arrival of the vet and nurse. Eventually they arrived, it felt like you knew and you wanted to go back upstairs. I wanted to change my mind but knew this was the kindest thing. They asked if I wanted to hold you and I panicked and said no, I didn't want to feel you slip away, but I held on to your little head and looked into your beautiful eyes the entire time saying I love you and I am sorry. I didn't know they were going to put a catheter in your little leg, it seemed to have a very big needle on it, it made you cry, you didn't want these strangers doing more things to you. I'm sorry. Then the vet said she was going to start putting in the anaesthetic and was I ready?.... no I wasn't, I still wanted to cancel and send them away, but it was the kindest thing to stop your pain and your hunger. I knew the only way to kill this horrible tumour inside you, was to let you go so it couldn't eat you anymore. So she started injecting.... I kept looking in your eyes and kissing you and saying I love you and how sorry I was and it was all OK, don't be scared. I couldn't tell you had crossed. Your beautiful eyes stayed open. I had to ask. They said yes, you had gone. It was horrible. I followed the vet and nurse to their van. The nurse had you wrapped in a soft blanket. Your pawpaw was hanging out, I gave it a kiss and a last kiss on your fluffy tail and they took you away from me. 2 weeks later you came home in some form, in a tiny wooden casket with your name on it and two fuzzy paw prints of your fuzzy fluffy toebeans. You are home, forever. you are on my bed every day until I am ready to put you next to my bed with your Aunty Vlad who left us in 2010. I asked her to wait and find you at the bridge and show you around, make sure you are OK and not scared over there. Your little casket will be OK next to hers, but for now, it is on my bed and I talk to you every day and kiss your pictures. I miss you so very dearly my beautiful baby boy Darcy. Love you forever. xxx

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