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I had my nearly 14 yr old boy pts on Tuesday and I'm inconsolable. He stopped eating a month ago but with the of treat. This got less and less and days of nothing at all. He had a tumour on his foot which had caused him to go from a limp to running on 3 legs as it grew. The vets did not want to operate so we managed it with pain killers and anti biotics. He was diagnosed with a liver mass 2 years ago and an enlarged adrenal glands and cushings disease. He should not be hear according to the vets. He stopped getting up to drink on Saturday and over the weekend would not eat anything. His mouth poured with blood and clots a week ago and the vets think he may of had a root infection under his canine but they were scared to remove it incase it cracked his jaw as they could see a fissure in his gum. I decided to let him go on Tuesday but putting a brave head on and just getting it done , only way I could manage . I told the vets I don't think he can go on and she said she agreed. The foot he coped with but it was the eating , which I having to syringe food into him then the drinking stopped. I did not want him to suffer and we did not think he would get over the op of removing his tumour, due to his age, his medical conditions and his weakness.. Oh and he suffered 4 seizures in one day back in march. I thought he was dead in my arms when he collapsed. He was such fighter. So as the days have passed I feel worse. The vets said I was doing the right thing but now I am riddled with guilt. He was showing pain also, he wen to bit my mum and me when we tried to move him and he yelped when we moved him the day we went to he vets which confirmed my decision. Now I'm thinking could it have be pancreatitus and it wasn't picked up, he was tender in his body, could I have done more for him. He was not vomiting, a little diarrea but think this was from his tablets, treats and soft food which is all he would eat. Today the guilt has turned to anger and I just cant cope....

Hello Terri, Don't feel guilty about your dear boy; it is obvious you loved him so much and you did everything you could. He is at peace now and out of any pain , knowing he was so loved and cared about. We all have feelings of gullt, sadness and anger; our pets leave such a big gap in our lives, but in time you will cherish the happy times when he wasn't ill and in pain. If you feel you have questions that need answering why don't you ask to speak to your vet ; I am sure they wlll answer your questions. Take care; always here if you want to chat; Hugs, Penny XXXXX

I cant live with myself at the minute, Ive never known such pain. I just feel I could of let him go a bit longer or did further tests. x

Hello Terri ~ So sorry for your loss, we lost our big boy at Easter, albeit under different circumstances to yours. Milo
suffered from epilepsy and he passed away peacefully in his sleep. Like you, I am in pieces and as I am typing this the
tears are flowing once more. We all think, was there more we could have done, and it has been eating away at me ever
since. I console myself with the fact we gave him a safe home and he was loved so much. I am at a loss coming to terms with the emptiness in the house and it has completely broken my heart, so know exactly where you are coming from. I feel guilty that I cried more when Milo left us than when I lost my father.
Take care of yourself and God Bless. Michael xx

Hi Terri
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can really feel your pain and grief coming through as you write. You must be feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed at the moment, but what you are experiencing is a powerful response to your loss and the start of the grieving process.
Guilt is an awful emotion - and every time I've lost one of my pets I always become overwhelmed by it, the fact that I 'could or should have done more'
What really stands out from your post, is just how much your beloved boy means to you, and how much you and the vet did to prolong his life despite his ailments.
Your love for your boy really comes through so strongly, but although he was "a fighter" it sounds like it was the right time to let him go. I absolutely 100% believe you made the right and compassionate decision to allow him to be at peace and out of pain.
Each time I've had to make that awful decision regarding my beloved cats, like you I've suffered terrible debilitating guilt and grief. It is so very hard to imagine things will improve, and the darkness will lift.
I promise you, in time it does. Please take things hour by hour, day by day.
The Blue Cross offers a terrific pet bereavement support service, which I used, and it really helped me. It's free, and you can either telephone or communicate via email - which I did, as I was too upset to talk over the phone.
If you visit the Blue Cross website, details of the support service will be on there. Please take a look.
In the meantime, keep in touch on here.
Love
Michelle xx

Terri,

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling.
From all that you say it is clear that your boy was suffering. To have made him go on would have been cruel. If he could speak to you now, I'm sure he would convey his love and his gratitude. Sometimes letting go is the best gift we can give. You did the humane thing, the compassionate thing, and you must forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong.

I'm going to say that again. You did nothing wrong.

Hello Michael
I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Milo - it's only been a few months, so everything must be so raw still.
Epilepsy is a cruel and unforgiving condition. My cat Eddie, who I let go in March was experiencing seizures as part of his decline.
As owners who adore our beloved pets, we become overwhelmed by a pervasive, overpowering sense of guilt. It is so difficult to deal with this awful emotion - it's exhausting and hard to challenge, especially during the first weeks/months.
Feeling this intense guilt, is a natural response to the loss of our beloved pets, and the start of the grieving process.
I remember, in particular, when I lost my very special boy, Big Fella, that I'd never get over his loss. I couldn't eat or sleep, the physical and emotional pain was so overwhelming I took time off work as I couldn't function. The guilt was unbearable.
As a mentioned in my post to Terri, The Blue Cross offer a terrific free pet bereavement service. Qualified pet bereavement counsellors offer support either by telephone or email - although it doesn't take away the pain, it really did help me in my hours of darkness.
Remember, you are not alone! Many people are experiencing exactly the same thoughts and emotions right now. Your love for Milo comes through loud and clear and he had a wonderful life with you.
Take care
Michelle xx

Thank you I'm just so riddled with grief and guilt I can't cope with anything. It's that niggling away thinking I could of left him with the vets and maybe a drip could of picked him up and he would of eaten. Maybe it was pancreatitis and he of my got over it. His liver mass was probably to blame but not knowing is horrible. I've phoned blue cross but nothing is helping me

Hi Terri
It's such early days that nothing will really lift you at the moment, try and be gentle on yourself and 'go' with these feelings.
The reality is, you should in no way be feeling guilty. If it's any consolation at all, I completely agree with Hannah; it would have been the wrong decision to put him on a drip. Firstly, it is very unlikely it would have had a positive effect, and even if it did extend his life briefly, he probably would have had no quality of life and potentially be at risk of pain and suffering.
One of my regrets, is keeping my gorgeous Big Fella alive longer than I should have done. He had 3 drips before I finally decided enough was enough - he was clearly suffering, and as owners we have a duty towards our beloved pets to put them before our own feelings of loss.
I know how hard it is....I really do feel for you. I was at a loss, the pain was unbearable. I do promise in time the guilt and pain lifts...there are steps back as well as forwards, good days and bad, but eventually happy memories overtake the painful ones.
Michelle xx

thank you for your support but nothing seems to be easing the pain, or the guilt. I just keep reading things and convincing myself he could of been saved but I was weak and let him go, hed had enough and he had but I'm sure I could of left him at the vets to see if they could get him to eat again or perky from a drip. Its the same way he was 2.5 years ago when they found his liver mass. This is why they didn't question his time. I just think he could of had pancreatitus and I cant handle the fact I didn't insist they help or they picked up on it....It might not of been think but its bugging me so much. I havnt eaten since Tuesday I'm so down

Hi Terri
I know things must be very tough right now...it feels like the guilt and pain will never ever lift. I know it is completely overwhelming, as you say, all consuming.
I remember having to take time off work because I was so low.
I know words may not seem to help how you're feeling right now, but just take things day by day. Try to divert your attention away from the guilt - that helped me. I actually remember saying to myself when my beloved Eddie was put to sleep in March, that because my guilt was so unbearable (there were awful memories I kept going over and over, awful memories I do regret), that I told myself I would only allow myself to think about these memories at a certain time. Otherwise, I was just exhausting myself and going over and over everything. It just doesn't help the grieving process.
It's not easy, but gradually things will start to improve for you.
Take care
Michelle x

Thank you Michelle...it still isn't helping though...im so riddled with guilt it's consuming me...

Hi Terri, my beloved Dillon was pts only a few weeks ago and like yourself I feel so very very guilty, sad and utterly bereft. He was nearly 13 years old and had developed a tumour over the past few months which was terminal. The vet said we could only offer palliative care and it was only a matter of a few months. I think my reason for such all consuming guilt is that he wasn't completely off his food, he wasn't lying in his bed not moving, although pain relief medication did sedate him somewhat. He wasn't really interested in going for a walk and certainly no toys came out of the basket. The tumour in such a short space of time had grown more and was obviously stressful for him as it was an oral tumour. Each day I could see that little spark go from his usually happy nature and more than anything I wanted to protect him from the downward spiral I knew was starting. For that reason I just can't live with myself thinking, had I said goodbye too soon

The vet, was lovely and whilst I have no qualms about her at all, when asked for her advice on what I should do, replied that it was a decision she could not make, it had to be mine. I now can't help thinking was she trying in a roundabout way to tell me something and should I have brought him home. I know I can't turn back time and as I have no family to advise, I lost my husband not that long ago as well, it was such a heartbreaking decision to have made. In my heart of hearts I knew there was going to be no other ending, just a matter of time. Had I left things any longer I would have placed him in a situation where he had no quality of life so I guess I will always be in a no win situation.

This should be an immense consolation, I do at least have Dillon's brother, Kasey and also Pip who we adopted. They too are both 13 years old and whilst I love them dearly I miss little Dilly so much. I darent count back the days since he went as it seems a lifetime ago but it is only last month. So Terri, my heart goes out to you and your beloved Milo but you truly did what was right for him and him alone and we both have to try and accept at both ends of the spectrum, we did what we did out of love and kindness.
LV x