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As some of you may know I lost my German Shepherd, Jake, just over a year ago and on 20/02/15 lost Hamish my Border collie. I thought I was coping ok but I'm not. I've walked out of my job and just can't get my head around how out of the blue losing Hamish was. He was fine the night before, he had his tea and some of mine, went for his normal walk. Yet in the morning he couldn't walk, in fact he had peed in the living room and when he was being helped outside he was constantly peeing. When the vet examined him, he said he had a large mass in his abdomen. Obviously, as a vet, they give you all the options, e.g. take him for scans, x-rays, etc. But I could tell it was pointless, Hamish just lay on the table never moving and was in pain. The vet left me for a while and I made the decision to let him go as he was groaning in pain. I know it was the kindest thing to do for him, but I just don't know how, or where this 'mass' has come from. To be fine the night before and be dying in the morning did I miss something? He wasn't off his food, he was getting a bit stiff in getting up, but I put that down to his age.
I don't know how to adjust to this loss, even knowing I stopped his pain I miss him and Jake so much. My house is empty. I wanted to do a pet bereavement course after losing Jake, now Hamish has gone and I just sit and cry all the time. I'm already on anti-depressants, but they don't help with this. I'm supposed to be helping out on The Ralph Site on Facebook but I'm no use to other bereaved pet owners when I can't cope myself.
Michelle x

Hello Michelle, first of please don't worry about helping out others on the facebook site....it is important you concentrate on you, especially during this very difficult time of grieving.
It was only just over a year ago you lost your beautiful German Shepherd, Jake, so to lose the wonderful Hamish so soon (during which time you are adjusting to life without Jake) must feel too much to bear. I also think the fact it seemed so sudden, "out of the blue", has really impacted on you as you haven't been able to prepare in some way for his passing. But please, please, don't think you could have somehow prevented poor Hamish becoming so ill. You were not to know. Exactly the same thing happened with my Dad's cat Teddy. One minute seemingly fine, then he was violently sick one day and they discovered a large tumour in his throat. You absolutely did the right and compassionate thing by letting him go....
Do you live alone? I know when Big Fella passed on, although I have 3 other cats, I felt so very very lonely. Even now with my very loving little kitten, who I love to bits, I miss my Big dreadfully. I have felt low since January 6th and I know I am still grieving and I must be patient with myself. But it is hard, especially if you suffer with low mood anyway and are antidepressants. It's like a huge void with nothing that can or will fill it. I really feel for you Michelle, but please remember this is transient and you will start having better days.......It may take time, quite a long time, but just go with the ebb and flow and be gentle on yourself.
You are in my thoughts
Love & hugs
Michelle xxxx

H Michelle, The loss of your beloved Hamish was such a terrible shock; you had not long lost your lovely Jake. You had not got over grieving for Jake when you had the terrible loss of Hamish. To lose two pets within a year is devastating and my heart goes out to you. i don't know how long you have been taking the antidepressants, but I am on them myself and when first starting they take a few weeks before you feel any effects. You must feel lost and I can understand how hard it is to cope with the empty house. You have been such support to others Michelle and we are here for you; I wish I could take your pain away; as you know my cat Toffee died 3 years ago and I still feel pain. I have just signed up with the Cats' Protection League as a fosterer. it has taken 3 years for me to be able to do this. Hamish became ill very quickly as it seems do a lot of animals; Toffee had cancer and this all happened so quickly. We question ourselves as to why and how, but there seem to be no answers. Keep talking on here Michelle or if you want to private message me on f/book, I am always here for you. Love and Hugs Xx

Thank you both for your kind words. It's just going to take time I suppose. Having walked out of my job I went to the social security the other day and the guy who interviewed me asked why I had left my work. I explained that I wasn't concentrating properly and had made mistakes with dispensing medication etc. And my ward manager wasn't very sympathetic regarding losing my dogs. He turned round and said "Well I don't like dogs much myself." So I told him to "bleeep" and asked for somebody who can understand. Obviously this didn't go down very well! And any money I was due to get was stopped. I've never signed on before so I'm kinda using them to vent my anger. Not good I know but it kinda helps me! I'm now classed as one of their most "awkward customers!"

I want to work with animals not people anymore. I have watched people pass away, but watching a beloved pet die tears me apart. How vets and vet nurses do it I don't know. But I suppose they have to look at the animals that they do save and sadly they can't save every one. I was talking to a man who has had Border Collies all his life who's a farmer and he knew Hamish. He said that's the way they go. One day fine the next day gone. He has had working collies who had been herding sheep and just dropped dead. They don't complain and ask for attention when they're poorly, they know they're dying but carry on til the end. Tough little dogs. Jake was the opposite, the slightest twinge and he would be wanting attention, sort of a dog hypochondriac! But Hamish never moaned or complained.
I have gone through saying I will never get another dog, not that I don't love them, but because I love them too much. But you never know one might find me one day. I know it will get easier in time hopefully.
Thank you both again
Hugs
Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Michelle

I completely understand why you feel the way you do - a mixture of intense anger, sadness, loneliness, perhaps even fear...to be honest with you (not that I'm condoning swearing at someone!!) I would probably reacted in exactly the same way in the person had responded to me like that. How very hurtful and uncompassionate, no wonder you reacted as you did. Unfortunately, there are people who just don't "get" people like us; who love our animals exactly as we do our fellow human beings (or in my case, more so!).

I suffer with a mood disorder which means I am permanently on anti-depressants and mood stabilisers. Knowing this even my care manager, knowing how affected I am over Big Fella's passing still told me "remember although you loved him very much, at the end of the day he's just a cat"!! Now, I have a good relationship with this person but I was shocked at his lack of empathy and compassion - and he is a mental health professional!

I am with you when you say you want to work with animals...I work in adult social care myself and I long to be able to do the job of my dreams. Perhaps now is the time to make that career change? Maybe something really positive will come out of something so sad?

You don't need me to tell you that both of your dogs were beautiful, intelligent and very, very special to you, but I think you would do yourself a disservice by not considering having another dog. Maybe not right now, but think what a truly wonderful home you could give them! I know I felt I was somehow betraying Big by getting another cat so soon but I now realise that although Billy will never, ever, replace Biggie, I have provided a very loving home for him. And he loves me right back.

You are going through an extremely tough time, but I promise you, although a cliché, time really does heal. Be kind on yourself and take it a day at a time......
Lots of love
Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Michelle, I have been reading your messages to one another and understand you both completely. As you know I have signed on with the Cats Protection to do some fostering; I understand there is also a similar thing with some of the Rescue Centres for dog fostering or even going in and walking them. Have you one near you Michelle. I don't want to actually adopt another cat (I say that before starting fostering) but feel by being with cats and caring and loving them Toffee would be pleased; I can't help but feel like that; she was our baby and I still don't feel I want another one. A non animal lover would not understand my feelings, but I still feel her loss very deeply, and I know you both understand. For the man at the Social Security offices to say what he did was pure ignorance; dogs behave towards people a lot better than a lot of people do!!!!! Take care, speak soon and look after yourself. Love to you both xxxxxx Michelle and Michelle xx

Thank you Michelle for your kind words. I cannot understand either your managers reaction to losing Big. I remember working in mental health and one of my patients in the community suffered severe depression, his only friend and companion was his dog, this dog was very old and poorly. But the CPN I was with told me that when his dog did pass away this patient would be monitored almost every hour, whatever time of day. As he loved the dog so much and he was only living to take care of her, and the risk was he would attempt suicide when his dog died. So for a mental health professional to say to you "It's just a cat" is so insensitive and lacks a bit of empathy.
Penny thank you again, Hamish was a fostered dog, he was only supposed to be with me for a couple of weeks, but they never came back! I don't think I could have parted with him anyway. But your idea of fostering is something I may look into again. So thanks for that. I know it is only time that will heal along with the people like you. I don't know how I would get through all this without you both.
Thanks and lots of love
Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello both, Hope I am not getting you muddled and saying the wrong thing; so great that we have friends on here that understand our every word and feelings; such a sad and difficult time and not everyone understands. Love to you both, Penny xxxxxx

Hi Penny
I agree not everyone understands our feelings and how devastating it is.
Love to you too
Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Miichelle. Thinking of you. Penny Xxxxxxx

Oh, Michelle. My heart breaks for you.
I think the suddenness of loss makes it harder to deal with.
We lost our Belgian Tervuren recently and it was similar to what you describe, in that one moment we had him and the next we didn't. It's only been three months so far, but it's unbearable.
A special bond with a dog is no different, no less, than a family bond with a human. They are part of the family- but they give us unconditional love, the sort of love that humans aspire to but are so flawed at delivering. On top of that, we spend so much time and energy caring for them that when we lose them, we lose a part of our own identity.
Take your time and don't let others make you feel like your grief doesn't matter. Grief has it's own agenda and it's fruitless to try to make it fit the time frames of those who don't understand.
Do you have family members who are supportive?
Would it help to tell us more about Jake and Hamish? They must have been very special dogs. I've just spent ages typing up a post about my Rush and it felt good to share some of the memories.
The one thing that death can't take from us is the love.